Last night I looked up at the stars from my back porch. I saw the Big Dipper, saw many other stars in crisp display. The hand of God on a dark canvas. I told God about all of the sad things that had happened in my life that I had never expected to. I asked him to forgive me for so many things. I came inside and read the Bible to help me sleep. Just now I tried unsuccessfully to watch a Third Day video of the song "Revelation," but couldn't really make it far past the song's opening line..."My life, has lead me down a road that's so uncertain, and I am left alone and I am broken"...tears flooding my face, my heart breaking hard in two along a fault line left there by so many nightmarish events. I am sure many could read this and say "Lady, you haven't seen a nightmare." I know. It's just, well, where to go from here. I can't heal myself. I can't fix everything for my kids that will need fixing over the course of the rest of my life. I know it's all about trusting God, but I can't even do that in my own strength. I don't even know how to lean on him properly! For crying out loud!!! Here's to mercy (raises coffee mug)!
I really like this line from an old Andrae Crouch song: "If I'd never had a problem, I'd never know that God could solve them, I'd never know what faith in his word can do." Incidentally, the song's title is "Through it All"... I know I will meet God face-to-face in heaven one day. I also know I can know him in the now (like Michael Card says). (Wow, you singers and songwriters don't realize your impact, I tell ya!). Several times over the course of the past week I have had the thought that I cannot live the rest of my life the way that I am living it now. I am miserable with worry and grief. I don't really know anyone who has it easy. Life is simply hard. But it is beautiful, too. I really want the peace that passes understanding, that is promised in scripture to those of us who are in Christ and who submit everything to him in prayer with a thankful heart. Someone was kind enough to say to me this week that the storms will come, but there is usually peaceful water on the backside of the waves. That comforted me so greatly and proved to me that God has his people strategically placed all throughout our lives, like spiritual guerrilla soldiers helping us through to the finish line!
I really like this line from an old Andrae Crouch song: "If I'd never had a problem, I'd never know that God could solve them, I'd never know what faith in his word can do." Incidentally, the song's title is "Through it All"... I know I will meet God face-to-face in heaven one day. I also know I can know him in the now (like Michael Card says). (Wow, you singers and songwriters don't realize your impact, I tell ya!). Several times over the course of the past week I have had the thought that I cannot live the rest of my life the way that I am living it now. I am miserable with worry and grief. I don't really know anyone who has it easy. Life is simply hard. But it is beautiful, too. I really want the peace that passes understanding, that is promised in scripture to those of us who are in Christ and who submit everything to him in prayer with a thankful heart. Someone was kind enough to say to me this week that the storms will come, but there is usually peaceful water on the backside of the waves. That comforted me so greatly and proved to me that God has his people strategically placed all throughout our lives, like spiritual guerrilla soldiers helping us through to the finish line!
