Chimes

Been thinking about something else lately...something that might set off chimes in the hearts of other middle-aged women, and a few men, too. The idea that sometimes we feel so far off of the divine script that we don't recognize ourselves anymore. My identity has, all of my life, been so meshed with Jesus and what I believe He is doing in my heart and life that now, with several years of arms-length distance between us, something like a frozen lake has developed between myself and that safe, familiar, heart-warming love of Christ. If you are a Christian, you know exactly what I mean. That dazzlingly pure, heart-stoppingly gorgeous, strong, full, fulfilling love and acceptance and PEACE that comes from being totally provided for, guided, and cared for in a mindlessly meaningless world. I have stopped practicing the presence of God, to borrow a phrase from a famous author. I want to start again. As I set off, adjusting my sails, borrowing my courage from the Holy Spirit, I cannot let myself drop the anchor of fear anymore. So many, many sidetrips have I made, my little craft held fast on foreign islands, anchored by FEAR! I have to move on, safe in the love of God, my face pressed to the carpet as I pray for direction. God has never failed me. I have failed to cling to Him.