Snagged

It is awfully humbling to be skating confidently down the path to spiritual wholeness and productivity only to hit a hidden snag in the ice that sends you flying, face down, arms spread. As you lay sprawled on the ice, you look up and realize that your skating still has, well, issues. Every time I make a concerted effort to please God, learn to walk in His ways, not my own, and to become closer to Him, something happens that reveals to me the selfishness of my own heart. Sometimes it's God pointing this out to me, other times, like yesterday when someone hurt me terribly, it's simply the case that my reactions reveal something to me about myself that I would rather not acknowledge. I really do love God. I also pray that He will help me to love Him more. And He can do that. The way that we react when others are selfish and unkind is a true barometer of our spiritual health. God didn't call us to continually climb up a spiritual mountain so much as He called us to continually climb into His arms. He wants us to draw so close to Him that we are able to discern His will right away because we are continually doing away, by the power of the Holy Spirit, with anything and everything that comes between us and our Father. I suppose giving up my right to retribution and control is going to be the hardest thing for me to come to terms with. This does not mean that I have no boundaries in relationships. This also does not mean that I allow others to hurt me again and again, continually offering myself or my loved ones as emotional sacrifices on the altar of another's ego. What it does mean is that I avoid doing things for spite, to make another person understand or feel the same pain that they have visited on me, or for control or manipulation. This is a tall order, especially where family members are concerned. They can hurt us the deepest because we are always hoping for something different from them, for a devotion to us that leaps up higher and lasts longer than what other people will offer. Truth is, only God will give us what we need WITHOUT FAIL. "The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him." Psalm 103:13