I am at a little crossroads in life at which it feels like my "get up and go" has, well, left the building with Elvis, as it were.
I have not thrown in the towel. I am not at a bus station in Idaho, with plans to go where the road takes me until the fifty bucks left in my pocket is gone. I am simply a little, well, stuck.
It's a bad feeling when you have all grades of remorse over the things you are not accomplishing on a daily basis, the one million little things that, should you stay on top of them, would make your life so much richer, so much sweeter (keeping the house pristine, trying new recipes often). It's even worse when you drag the heavy ball and chain of missed opportunity behind you (people you have not witnessed to, dinner parties you haven't hosted, the umpteen years of your kids' lives you have not scrapbooked) and find yourself hooked behind the boulder of "ALL I HAVE GOING FOR ME THAT I AM NOT UTILIZING/ENJOYING."
"Aw, you're just depressed," you may be thinking, or even saying out loud, right about now. But it's deeper than that. It's worse than that. It occured to me the other day that I have lost all motivation because I have ALLOWED the disappointments in my life to callous my heart straight over. So a few days ago I wrote all of those disappointments out in my hit-or-miss prayer journal. There were twenty-five of them. I asked God to forgive me for letting them come between me and Him, and for letting them turn me rebellious. I did not write out all of the things I am thankful for. That list would fill many books. At the top would be what Christ did for me at Calvary. How He suffered horribly, how He died to save me. To pay the price for all the stupid mess I do every day. To let me be in His Father's glorious, love, peace and joy-filled presence.
Here's to new beginnings! I get one every single day of my life.
I have not thrown in the towel. I am not at a bus station in Idaho, with plans to go where the road takes me until the fifty bucks left in my pocket is gone. I am simply a little, well, stuck.
It's a bad feeling when you have all grades of remorse over the things you are not accomplishing on a daily basis, the one million little things that, should you stay on top of them, would make your life so much richer, so much sweeter (keeping the house pristine, trying new recipes often). It's even worse when you drag the heavy ball and chain of missed opportunity behind you (people you have not witnessed to, dinner parties you haven't hosted, the umpteen years of your kids' lives you have not scrapbooked) and find yourself hooked behind the boulder of "ALL I HAVE GOING FOR ME THAT I AM NOT UTILIZING/ENJOYING."
"Aw, you're just depressed," you may be thinking, or even saying out loud, right about now. But it's deeper than that. It's worse than that. It occured to me the other day that I have lost all motivation because I have ALLOWED the disappointments in my life to callous my heart straight over. So a few days ago I wrote all of those disappointments out in my hit-or-miss prayer journal. There were twenty-five of them. I asked God to forgive me for letting them come between me and Him, and for letting them turn me rebellious. I did not write out all of the things I am thankful for. That list would fill many books. At the top would be what Christ did for me at Calvary. How He suffered horribly, how He died to save me. To pay the price for all the stupid mess I do every day. To let me be in His Father's glorious, love, peace and joy-filled presence.
Here's to new beginnings! I get one every single day of my life.
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