Aching for Light

Sometimes it's dark outside for a very long time. Our hearts go through a season of pain that stabs and sticks and rolls us into the pavement until we're sure that we're a fossil mark there. Then someone asks us what's for dinner, or if we've got that report they asked us for last month, or if we know where their socks are. We have to unpeel ourselves from the pavement and go on until the roller is out again a few minutes later, smushing us flat again. It's like the Alaskan winter solstice. We've all heard about it. Some places in that state are mostly dark for a couple of months straight. Those of us who live in "normal" climes shudder a little bit when we imagine ourselves going to the grocery, running out to the mailbox, having our "morning" coffee, all in the dark. All in the dark. We don't want to move there, and we can blink away the thought, then head out for a walk in the sunshine.

The problem with long seasons of heartache is that the sun is very, very tough to find. It shines, to be sure, but over someone else's house, it seems. Its strong, sure and steady wash of light over their family or circumstances makes the darkness of our own seem steeper, crueler, and far lonelier. There is a reason that God is associated with light. It's because light means an awful lot to all of us. It warms us, comforts us, and illuminates obstacles that would otherwise trip us and/or possibly hurt us. It shows bright, rich colors to their full advantage. When people smile, we often say it "lights up their face."

I took my nephews and niece down to a little creek at the back of my neighborhood. As they stood looking into the trickling water, I took several photos of the three of them. As we walked away, I looked at the very last photo I had taken of the three of them. A strong individual ray of light centered on each child. I was taken aback. I had taken multiple photos of the very same scene, but had chosen to stop and walk away when that very special picture had been taken, even though I could not tell, because I was using my phone, that the rays of light were so perfectly positioned in it.

Of COURSE I knew that God was speaking through the photo. I was talking about that fact on the walk home. My four-year-old nephew Alex agreed with me. He said "It's like an angel is shining on us or Jesus because he's stronger." I'm reminded that God did not create me for continual defeat and degradation. I can rest assured that help is on the way. That success is coming. That joy is waiting for me. Light is shining around me, even if I am unable to appreciate it.

The Bible says "God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." (1 John 1:5, The Holy Bible, New International Version)

Flying Blind

"With a mastery of the skies that is almost unparalleled among birds, swifts spend virtually all their waking hours on the wing. Some are even thought to sleep while in flight." (National Geographic Complete Birds of the World, Tim Harris, Editor.)

This sentence arrested my attention this morning. Some are even thought to sleep while in flight. Suddenly an image of myself, worrying and racing into the future, even in my dreams, rose up before me. I never rest. I am always flying onward in my mind and heart into the unknown, arranging things in my favor, blocking horrific events, crafting ways to dodge bullets and ferret out landmines. I am always attempting control over my life and the lives of people I love and ever falling flat because I am, after all, not God.

As I looked at this amazing book of birds, greedily grabbed from the shelf at my local library in my best attempt to recreate a magical part of my childhood (actually picking out books by browsing the stacks, then going home and holding them in my hands as I read and turn actual paper pages), I found myself skimming from the back to the front, because I am left-handed. I have to stop myself at times, when the subject matter would be garbled, and force myself to scan a book from front to back like a normal person would. This bird book was full of glorious photos, so the order didn't really matter, but I stopped myself anyway (in case one of the neighbors was watching me over the fence). What happens when we skim life from the back to the front, imagining and preparing ourselves for future scenarios? Life becomes garbled.

God never meant for us to live that way. He said today has enough trouble of its own. Might be a good idea to break off a piece of the behemoth that is life one day at a time. Might even find yourself enjoying some of those chunks. Celebrating them. Maximizing them. You'll have more energy because you will have one "to-do" list for that day to mind, one set of 24 hours to prayerfully navigate and trust God in. It'll be enough. Trust me.

Fragrant Flame

So I just finished reading not a fan. by Kyle Idleman. Gist is that there is a difference between someone who likes Jesus and what He stands for and someone who is "all-in." As in, A L L   I N.
I squirmed a lot over the last few days as I read a chapter or two each morning. (It's red-hot important to note that I started this short book at least a year ago.) One of the things that I'd like to change about myself is that I would like to consistently start my day with prayer and reading the Bible. I came down this morning to my study and found, to my horror, that I had left a scented candle burning all night long. Once I realized that the wicks were not smoking and absolutely nothing was amiss (except that the room smelled amazing), I wondered something. Was God welcoming me into this space for some time with Him?

The Bible says God is a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29). He is our light in dark places (Psalm 18:28). His spirit working through us makes us a disseminate his goodness like a perfume (2 Corinthians 2:15).

If you think that God is not ALL ABOUT symbolism, you haven't read the Old Testament. You haven't read the new, for that matter. Check out the book of Revelation. Slow down and check out your own life, line by line. Today I challenge you to prayerfully check out your everyday life. God is in the details and he is, quite often, communicating with you symbolically. Please share with me some symbols God has used to reinforce his goodness and his presence in your life! I'll be encouraged by them.

Back to my morning welcome. It reminded me that I'm not following a rigid set of rules, but a God who is warm, alive, and beckoning. He loves me and wants to spend time with me. What better way to validate someone? What better way to love them?