Aching for Light

Sometimes it's dark outside for a very long time. Our hearts go through a season of pain that stabs and sticks and rolls us into the pavement until we're sure that we're a fossil mark there. Then someone asks us what's for dinner, or if we've got that report they asked us for last month, or if we know where their socks are. We have to unpeel ourselves from the pavement and go on until the roller is out again a few minutes later, smushing us flat again. It's like the Alaskan winter solstice. We've all heard about it. Some places in that state are mostly dark for a couple of months straight. Those of us who live in "normal" climes shudder a little bit when we imagine ourselves going to the grocery, running out to the mailbox, having our "morning" coffee, all in the dark. All in the dark. We don't want to move there, and we can blink away the thought, then head out for a walk in the sunshine.

The problem with long seasons of heartache is that the sun is very, very tough to find. It shines, to be sure, but over someone else's house, it seems. Its strong, sure and steady wash of light over their family or circumstances makes the darkness of our own seem steeper, crueler, and far lonelier. There is a reason that God is associated with light. It's because light means an awful lot to all of us. It warms us, comforts us, and illuminates obstacles that would otherwise trip us and/or possibly hurt us. It shows bright, rich colors to their full advantage. When people smile, we often say it "lights up their face."

I took my nephews and niece down to a little creek at the back of my neighborhood. As they stood looking into the trickling water, I took several photos of the three of them. As we walked away, I looked at the very last photo I had taken of the three of them. A strong individual ray of light centered on each child. I was taken aback. I had taken multiple photos of the very same scene, but had chosen to stop and walk away when that very special picture had been taken, even though I could not tell, because I was using my phone, that the rays of light were so perfectly positioned in it.

Of COURSE I knew that God was speaking through the photo. I was talking about that fact on the walk home. My four-year-old nephew Alex agreed with me. He said "It's like an angel is shining on us or Jesus because he's stronger." I'm reminded that God did not create me for continual defeat and degradation. I can rest assured that help is on the way. That success is coming. That joy is waiting for me. Light is shining around me, even if I am unable to appreciate it.

The Bible says "God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." (1 John 1:5, The Holy Bible, New International Version)