Is He?

I was in a worship service last night when suddenly, up on the screen pop the lyrics to a song produced by the Passion band and sung publicly by Sean Curran. The church band who was playing it was, well, EXCELLENT. The singers harmonized beautifully. I was swept up.

The song, "Bigger Than I Thought," rent my heart into many pieces. I didn't try to sweep them up. I stood among the shards, singing along, tears flowing. "Oh, wait a minute," my anxious soul whispered. "This, this is what I've wanted to say."

The gist of the song is that I can spread all of my fears out before God and He is not going away, He is not going to vilify me for lack of faith, and He is, most importantly, not impressed by the size of the miracles I need. The refrain "you understand me" floated in my spirit on and on and on.

But what if, like the song says, God is so much "bigger than I thought" He was? What if His heart is so kind that He doesn't keep score? What if He really does love me in my brokenness, in my filth, my shame and my degradation? What if He is big enough to handle all of my fears, to fix all of my issues, to hear and answer all of my prayers, to put me back on my feet again? What if He is able to restore absolutely everything? What if He is planning to? What if His heart is kind enough to pluck me out of the river of mud I've been in and place me in the river of His grace and mercy, which flows down from Heaven and is strong enough to wash all of my tears away?  What if He has plans for me that are so good I can only afford one bite at a time because the richness would overwhelm me?

This is a God I am willing to gamble my life upon. This is a God I will seek.