Walking on the Waves

Am I hopelessly middle-aged to assume that what every person is really searching for is REST? I am making a rug depicting a tiny church with a soft mantle of snow on its roof. The sidewalk is neatly shovelled, the warm light from the exterior beckons. Someone had the completed version for sale on one of the auction websites. Their description arrested my attention. It went something like this: "This restful little church nestled in the pine forest is ready for evening worship."

Nestled. ("For You are my hiding place; You protect me from trouble," Psalm 32:7, NLT). Restful. ("I entrust my spirit into your hand," Psalm 31:5, NLT). Ready for worship. ("Let the godly sing for joy to the Lord; it is fitting for the pure to praise him. Praise the Lord with melodies on the lyre; make music for him on the ten-stringed harp, and sing with joy. For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does," Psalm 33:1-4, NLT.)

Whatever life has handed you....hardship, grief, loss; Jesus can fill in the gaps with His healing love and the life and invigoration of His presence. He will lead you to the still waters. "Late that night, the disciples were in their boat in the middle of the lake, and Jesus was alone on land. He saw that they were in serious trouble, rowing hard and struggling against the wind and waves. About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. He intended to go past them, but when they saw him walking on the water, they cried out in terror, thinking he was a ghost. They were all terrified when they saw him.

But Jesus spoke to them at once. 'Don't be afraid,' he said. 'Take courage! I am here!' Then he climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped." (Mark 6:47-51, NLT)

"That's all well and good for those disciples...they were CHOSEN of God for something big and He was trying to establish Christianity by doing all of those things and sharing himself with them so fully" you might say. "This is 2012 and I am just me over here in a corner. This doesn't relate." Well, if that is your thinking, chew on this verse today: "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8, NLT).

Flying without Wings

I want to issue a little challenge to my readers today. A few years back I scanned a book by a famous pediatrician that basically made the case for the divine calling, or unique imprint, on each individual life (though it was not a religious book). His premise was that a lot of the kids we categorize as having a disorder, in reality have brains which are wired for a very specific job or skill set. Thousands of young people are not mentored and do not fully activate that set of abilities. It's the reason our prisons full to bursting. It's confusing and empty not to realize some or all of your calling.

Back to my challenge for you, my wonderful readers. Many of you are mired in the muck of everydayness. I may have made up a word there, but, no matter. With the economy in tatters and all of those well-dressed (and highly paid) media persons screaming about the fiscal cliff, many are just happy to be working at all, not having the luxury of finding the job that is the perfect fit. Doesn't mean they cannot spend some time doing something that makes them want to sing. Ask yourself honestly the following question: "What is that one thing that makes me feel as if I am flying high over my problems and soaring through a blue sky when I do it?" For me, this is writing. I get excited about a new blog post, can hardly wait to start tapping these keys. I could be having the most stifling, duty-laden day on record and the thought of a few minutes of writing gives my heart wings. Find this one thing for yourself. If you can think of a way to bless others while doing it, so be it. If not, carve some time anyway and do it as unto the Lord...He enjoys watching you enjoy being the you He made you to be.

Don't forget to live a balanced life. God is in it! Pray for His blessing on your path, and do not be ashamed to do so!

Joy of Giving

It is so wonderful, so inspiring to realize that, as the authors of "Experiencing God" (Blackaby and Cloud) so firmly underscore, God is at work, everywhere, all of the time. I saw a news story about a lady who was celebrating her ninetieth birthday by collecting money for the Salvation Army outside of a business. She handed out cookies to folks walking by in celebration of her own birthday. It was her day, and she was doing for others. What an example.

I think it's a good idea to check your motives every once in a while, with regard to your relationships. Some people are naturally selfless, and others are so far along in their spiritual lives that giving with the right motives is as natural as breathing to them. I thought this morning about some of the people I love. Bending over backwards for my children is like protecting my left arm (I'm left-handed), or shielding my eyes from harm. It's instinctive. But what about the other relationships in my life, people like my parents or brother and sisters? Friends, neighbors? I stand to gain so much from knowing them, from having them hold me in high esteem. Do I do anything for them simply for their benefit alone? It's food for thought. I heard a preacher say a couple of years back "Motive is everything to God." Makes sense. He just doesn't bless selfish acts. He's not in them. And He sees what no one else sees.

If you want a blessing that will knock your socks off, and put wind in your spiritual sails which will carry you a country mile, just let God use you anonymously. Let Him direct your steps today, and be aware of need around you. Consciously try to give in areas in which you will receive no personal benefit. You may end up hearing someone say something like this: "You know, I was praying for someone to come along." Wouldn't that be the Christmas present to end all presents???

Man Overboard

Just this morning, I got a beautiful, loving, gentle reminder of where my healing, wholeness, peace and fulfillment lie in their entirety! I was watching videos of praise music...tuned in to Morris Chapman singing "Falling in Love with Jesus"... as well as "He is Able"... Morris, in his rich, exquisite tones reminded all who fell within the sound of his voice that God is able to "do much more than I could ever dream." I love the part of "He is Able" that says that God is more than able to "make me what He wants me to be." What. He. Wants. What a beautiful, glorious promise. What peace, what rest for the Christian soul. Not only do I not have to decide what is best for me to do and become, but I am not responsible for getting myself there, either. Back to the first song I mentioned..."Falling in Love with Jesus"... this morning this song threw a balm of absolute peace over my soul as I was reminded of the all-encompassing pleasure, the joy, of being in fellowship with Jesus. If I never got another gift, achieved another milestone, the riches of His fellowship would still make me overflow...what a treasure!!!

I am ready to abandon ship...the ship of wrong-thinking, worldly yearnings, self-centered living, guilt-ridden fear, the whole moldy, rotted-plank mess. I am ready to abandon myself to Christ, yet again. The richest time of growth in my Christian life was also a time marked by enjoying a lot of praise music. There is healing in the presence of God. EVERY single need is met in His presence. There is absolutely no lack there.

Abiding, Part II

About to greet another day. Feeling excited about all of the Thanksgiving preparations I am about to undergo. Cleaning, making pies, thawing the turkey. It will be a fun day. A really fun day!

I have gone through so many shades of emotional/mental housecleaning in recent weeks. The last two, especially. Last night I was praying "Lord, let me wear myself out serving you until the day comes when I am to meet You face-to-face." Let me explain this prayer. I have an on-going battle with deep sadness and loss of purpose. It is getting much worse as I age. It's just one of many savage spiritual battles that wage around the fringes of my life at all times, trying to get in and destroy the center of who I am and what I do. To compound the mid-life musings which most people have, my enemy (Satan) tells me at all times that I have nothing left to look forward to. Almost as soon as I had uttered this prayer, I felt a check. I don't want to presume that it was the Holy Spirit, but let me explain the check.

"Maybe," I began to think, "it's not about wearing myself out. Maybe it's about abiding." I put a bookmark right there and headed off for home to put my frozen turkey breasts in my freezer before shooting back to pick my son up from Tae Kwon Do. (I did not forget to flip my brights catty-corner across from the bank and just in front of the Home Depot to see if the three deer I have been seeing by the road were there.)

This morning I have lifted the bookmark and am looking at that moment in time again. Abiding. It assumes that the Holy Spirit is doing the heavy lifting in my life. It assumes that all accomplishment flows from Him and all glory goes back to Him. It assumes that my highest calling is to abandon myself to Christ and enjoy his fellowship. It assumes that my heart's desire and greatest purpose is living snug in Him. The work I do will flow naturally from this relationship, and all unimportant religious actitivity will fall away. Sounds good to me!! Actually, sounds downright HEAVENLY! Right here on earth.

Abiding

I am reminded this morning of my heavenly Father's love for me. It occurs to me that He has walked with me through every season of life. He knows the forces that formed my personality and understands how my mind and emotions are wired. He is full of compassion.

He is the only One who HAS walked every single step of life's journey with me. He has healing in His mighty right hand. He can fill every single empty space in my heart. He longs to show compassion to me.

I also rejoice this morning that I have the mind of Christ. It is my spiritual birthright. There have been times in my life, especially when I was an adolescent and teen, when all I could do was pray the name of Jesus. It was enough. "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; /The righteous run to it and are safe."( Proverbs 18:10, NKJV) Demonic forces which gathered to take my joy, steal my future, destroy my life, scattered like so many buzzards. I just kept praying the Name and imagined that my heavenly Father was taking my battered heart, dusting it off, setting all of it to rights. I trusted then, and trust now, that He will align my thoughts and priorities in His perfect will.

I have to repeat my firm conviction when it comes to asking for help with strongholds of sin. God has shown me (and I believe I have finally learned) that he does not do a la carte sin removal. He wants absolutely ALL of us. Lock, stock and barrel. Henceforward, any time I feel I am holding some part of myself back from Him, I will try to remember that I need His total healing and restoration.

Emotional brokenness is more deadly than physical brokenness. "The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness,/But who can bear a broken spirit?" (Proverbs 18:14, NKJV) The good news is that when we come to God with a fully humble spirit, acknowledging that ALL of our strength is in Him and that any good in our hearts will be wrought by the Holy Spirit, He is ready to do the heavy lifting. "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me." John 15:4

Little Foxes

I am frustrated because I have an acquaintance who does not respect boundaries. They violate them because they can, because they know it would be hopelessly petty for me to remark on the invasion. It probably would be. On the other hand, I do feel I would be within my rights to speak up. It is this exact quandary that has me anxious today. I feel I have been patient about this particular issue. Not sure how to handle it. Life is filled with these quandaries. They are never easy. My husband, on the other hand, moves very, very slowly with regard to smaller boundary issues. He is very diplomatic. He is careful to pick his battles, thinking correctly that good relations with people should be maintained in all cases.

I have particular issues with controlling aspects of my life, especially my property. In our house we try to teach respect for each other's belongings, asking before borrowing or plundering, etc. As a result, we don't really have any issues in that department. I also want control of my time, which is valuable to me personally. Control is really big to me. BIG, BIG.

It's important to note that life does not work this way. There is no complete control for any one of us. We cannot exercise all of our rights all of the time. I have operated within my rights more than once only to realize I had sacrificed an important relationship or created an impression of myself that was less than flattering!

As the fog of my depression starts to lift, I hope I will be better able to hear God's voice telling me when to shut-up. Actually, what I need is the motivation and strength to actually shut-up or walk away when He is telling me to. I know that anxiety over small matters is like the little foxes that get in and destroy the vine. I will miss the rich harvest because I obssessed over small issues. Who wants to be guilty of that?

I guess the upshot of all of this is that I have to take my life more slowly, trying to hear God's wisdom in each situation. I will have to work the Bible and prayer into the fabric of my daily life, kneading them both into my impulsive nature.
 

View From the Valley

I am going through a very humbling time. It's easy to say the Lord is our strength when times are bearable enough to make it on our own strength. Real easy to say it then. I am going through some things right now that have made me cry "Uncle"...and look to other people for help.

It is tremendously liberating to know that God can, and does, use a variety of means to help us in any kind of trouble we are in. I am thankful for that! I have hit a spot where I fully realize I need a hand up. Lots of hands, actually!!

I decided that, in addition to getting professional help for my on-going battle with depression, I will also open my life and my heart to friends again. I have spent so many years in the shadows, hiding from the outside world, hoping that no one will see my pain and weakness. Hoping that they will not reject me. I was throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

I have not changed, reader. I still DO believe that God hears and answers our prayers. I still DO believe I will see His goodness in the land of the living, as the scriptures teach. I really do. It's just that I am a human being, made of dust, prone to weakness and failure and in need of an understanding Savior who will send just the right resources in just the right time, if only I will open my hand to recieve them.

Don't panic, those of you who have held my hand through the last few days...I don't plan to turn you into my on-the-go therapists. I am sorry if I have made you feel that way. I am, however, going to let you all into my life and enjoy your fellowship. I am going to leave the light on in my heart for you, so that you know you may call me at any time and I will respond. I am ready to again take on the risks of interaction with friends and associates, knowing that the possibility of hurt or rejection is worth the rich, rich rewards of fellowship!

Today I said to the Lord, "If YOU do not help me, there is no help for me." Within minutes I was on the phone with a dear friend who said "I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CALL YOU!" She encouraged me in my blogging endeavor (of course Satan had worked overtime to get me to stop) and we agreed we have to get together for lunch very soon. I hung up the phone in awe of how God knows EXACTLY what we need EXACTLY when we have got to have it! He knows. He really does.

I guess I have learned that getting help does not make me weak. Being a human being makes me weak. No one is strong all of the time. Life is not easy for anyone.

Shedding

Any of my readers who suffer from addictive behaviors will certainly relate to this blog post! I recently gave up two addictions. I have severely limited my Facebook time and I have cut out certain kinds of shopping on ebay. I was not overspending on ebay. I was, however, spending bizarre amounts of time shopping and I was, though never going outside my budget, buying things I did not need.

How did I give these two things up? I made a commitment to God on both counts. I have broken the commitment a couple of times, which led to a quick confession and turnabout. Overall, this has worked, as I know there is no blessing on disobedience, and I fear the ramifications of making commitments to the Lord and then treating them lightly.

The upshot of giving up two things that had served as wonderful distractions (and they worked hand-in-hand as I loved to post my finds on my FB hobby pages) is that I have had to deal with the anxieties I had been using the addictions to run from. I have had all kinds of negative emotions flood to the surface now that I do not have the addictions to push them down and hold them under.

I know with my rational mind that this life is not about me. It is not about pleasure, even though I do believe that God wants us to enjoy life and live it to the fullest. It is about living for God, loving and serving others, and praising Him with our words, and with our lives. I know this. I think, though, that as you age and reconsider your priorities, you begin to see a pattern of NOT living like that. I had some watermarks I had wanted to reach by now. I have not and may not ever reach them. I am struggling with that.

Living exclusively for God infuses even the ordinary with meaning. It makes the world come alive with color, texture and joy. It chases the darkest shadows away. It makes horrible things bearable and wonderful things ten times better. I had a counselor once tell me that depression is nothing more than a person listening to the voice of Satan over the voice of the Holy Spirit.

I know there are people who are going through extremely difficult things right now who probably hate my "Pollyanna," feel-good approach to life. "Glad it works for you," is probably the sarcastic thought running through their minds as they scan the page. Truth is, it only works for me when I let it. The presence of God in the quiet of my home is a healing, strengthening, amazingly joy-filled experience. When I take time for Him, I am reminded that He is my reason for being, and He will never leave my side. He cannot be taken from me, or me from Him. There is everlasting joy in His presence. It doesn't have a whit to do with my circumstances, though He is concerned about those, too.

I will have to press into Him more than I ever have in coming months as, (watch out), I will be shedding more addictions, including sugar, naps, internet news searches, oh, the list will be long. At this rate, I may be dealing with emotions suppressed since infancy. I have decided that emotional wholeness IS my spiritual birthright. I can live happy and go to heaven fulfilled and peaceful.