Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Abiding, Part II

About to greet another day. Feeling excited about all of the Thanksgiving preparations I am about to undergo. Cleaning, making pies, thawing the turkey. It will be a fun day. A really fun day!

I have gone through so many shades of emotional/mental housecleaning in recent weeks. The last two, especially. Last night I was praying "Lord, let me wear myself out serving you until the day comes when I am to meet You face-to-face." Let me explain this prayer. I have an on-going battle with deep sadness and loss of purpose. It is getting much worse as I age. It's just one of many savage spiritual battles that wage around the fringes of my life at all times, trying to get in and destroy the center of who I am and what I do. To compound the mid-life musings which most people have, my enemy (Satan) tells me at all times that I have nothing left to look forward to. Almost as soon as I had uttered this prayer, I felt a check. I don't want to presume that it was the Holy Spirit, but let me explain the check.

"Maybe," I began to think, "it's not about wearing myself out. Maybe it's about abiding." I put a bookmark right there and headed off for home to put my frozen turkey breasts in my freezer before shooting back to pick my son up from Tae Kwon Do. (I did not forget to flip my brights catty-corner across from the bank and just in front of the Home Depot to see if the three deer I have been seeing by the road were there.)

This morning I have lifted the bookmark and am looking at that moment in time again. Abiding. It assumes that the Holy Spirit is doing the heavy lifting in my life. It assumes that all accomplishment flows from Him and all glory goes back to Him. It assumes that my highest calling is to abandon myself to Christ and enjoy his fellowship. It assumes that my heart's desire and greatest purpose is living snug in Him. The work I do will flow naturally from this relationship, and all unimportant religious actitivity will fall away. Sounds good to me!! Actually, sounds downright HEAVENLY! Right here on earth.

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