I was awake until two in the morning. I found, to my surprise, that at least one of my kids was up, too. I never saw them. Just heard all sorts of rumblings overhead. I fell asleep until my husband's alarm went off. I was awake while he got dressed, then when he left after 7 a.m., I tried like the dickens to go back to sleep. At some point I must have because I had a crazy dream. I was trying to save people from a very organized, highly intelligent madman. The madman found me. Somehow he divined that I had recently had open-heart surgery. He hadn't shot me yet when I woke up.
I could spend some time trying to find the hidden meaning in my dream, but I'd have to remember it a tad better to launch that initiative. I think it was the product of feeling like, if I'll just try harder, I can save my kids from everything, even though they are basically grown. The madman was just the devil. He doesn't have a loaded gun that can shoot any bullets that will pierce the vest of my faith. He just likes to make me think he can. When I haven't slept, his odds of having me listen to him rise a bit.
The point of this rambling caffeine confessional is that we all, from time-to-time, shoot ourselves in the foot. In my case, I awoke from a short nap yesterday feeling just a little bit down. I'm launching a business and homeschooling a teenager. And I'm nearly forty-eight years old. I'm a dreamer! But we dreamers have to do laundry, too. I wanted the sweet taste of my flavored coffee, the wonderful aroma and, yes, the jolt of caffeine to get me through the rest of the day. Lesson....learned? I can't say that. I'll try to remember it. There will still be days when I'll party all day with McCafe K-cups. I'll still have caffeine confessionals here.
When we DO shoot ourselves in the foot, we don't have to fall entirely on our faces. Unless, of course, it's to pray! Overuse of caffeine is not the only one thing I will be praying about today. One of many. I'm so thankful that each time I go to my Father in prayer, I'm given a blank page, a do-over. He completely washes me clean of my sins and totally forgives me. Then He dusts me off and sets me back on my feet. I would not be surprised if, though I will have slow feet today, He actually makes something beautiful of my day, through the haze of my exhaustion! That's what grace looks like. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life. It starts today. It starts NOW! Anything that I have done, any chance I have squandered is totally unimportant in the light of his grace and peace. He gives me joy as I obey him IN THE NOW! Surrender your entire life to Christ, lock, stock and barrel. See what happens. You have nothing to lose and a world of peace and joy to gain. When I become overwhelmed with the odds against me as a writer, I can take a moment to stop and consider that I am obeying God. I am doing what I feel HE is leading me to do. It cannot fail. I can enjoy it! I don't have to be intimidated by the task or the potential for disaster. There is no disaster in following God. If I hear from him and obey him, he will provide what I need to get everything done. He will show up. If my motive is to obey and glorify him, my tasks are NO-FAIL propositions. When anxiety creeps in, I can rest assured, I've decided to pursue some selfish motive. In the end, my relationship with God is what matters, and it cannot be taken from me in this life nor in the one to come. Feast your heart on this scripture: "...neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING ELSE IN ALL CREATION, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:39, New International Version, emphasis mine).
ENJOY YOUR DAY!
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