Into the World

I was once determined to become a famous journalist. With that aim in mind, I sashayed off to college and then graduate school, landing an exciting internship at the Miami, Florida NBC owned-and-operated station. I then started my first professional job at a tiny ABC affiliate in my hometown. Insert colossal u-turn. I got married, started a family and abandoned my career for an extended period of time, choosing love, security and care for others over my initial ambitions. The need for affirmation on a larger stage never really left me, though, its influence streaking through my blood like an invisible disease. I still harbored dreams of writing a bestseller. Of making a mark. Of showing up on the world's radar.

As a television reporter in my hometown for just over a year, I got a taste of universal acceptance. Many people treated me with a degree of deference simply because my image appeared on their television screens for a few minutes each week. It was intoxicating. I love people, all kinds of people, and it was so wonderful to be "loved" back. I, of course, now realize that their "love" was wholly superficial. It was as substantial as a broken reed in a hurricane. I was content, however, with being in their lives, no matter how I got there! People are wonderful, interesting and precious to me. I truly enjoy them.

Two decades of utter obscurity later, I've got something new in my blood. It's the unmistakable yearning for significance. I want my life to count for Christ. I realize that I have no way of making that happen under my own steam, so I'm working on submitting to Him to work whatever good He will from whatever I have to give. I have viewed this blog as one of those "whatevers." If I have a spark of light, let me fling it into the dark corners of this world. Now, instead of seeking my own reknown, I want to fling my gifts backward without a glance, tossing them into the night stillness of need, letting them land where the Spirit guides them. I don't want to care who sees, who applauds, who knows. It's utterly freeing and outrageously gratifying. It feels right because it IS right.