There were baptisms at church today. When they were finished, we all sang "Amazing Grace." My eye caught the top of a leafy green tree, in relief against a clear sky. I was so hurt. I cried. I don't understand why I'm suffering some of the things I am suffering. Relationships have always been more important to me that anything else, including achievement and material possessions. I feel I have done things to preserve and protect the ones closest to me and, yet, some that are very important to me are strained and distant. I'm a little bereft.
I guess the tree caught my attention because it is living. A couple of my relationships, once so alive and full of promise, feel distant and sad. Empty. Lined with rejection. I went home and crawled into bed. I lay there off and on a couple of times. I talked to the Lord about how hard it is to go on some days. I know He heard me and He will sustain me. It was just one of those days where it was hard to put on a happy face and do the laundry and dishes. It was hard to imagine getting up tomorrow and doing all of my daily-ness all over again. But I will.
I mentioned yesterday that I'm battling some addictions (food, internet, social media, etc.). When I back away from them I feel the rush of emotions that they were distracting me from. I guess I need the same pep talk I've given countless times to a loved one who is addicted to drugs. I keep telling them that life is hard and we have to power through in God's strength, because our own will never, ever, ever cut it!
God's strength and sense of purpose is always there, no matter how fierce the storm. No matter how the winds howl and the rain snatches your dreams from your hands, whirling them into the gutter, slanting sideways to beat the smile from your face. He is always there. We live for him, not merely in the light of his presence. We live to know him and to be known by him. Those of us who are in Christ have a treasure that cannot be wrenched from our hands. There is no rain that can drown our purpose in Christ. I suppose today was a day for me to be honest with the Lord (and I was) and to make a plan to renew my joy in Him for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. It usually is.
I guess the tree caught my attention because it is living. A couple of my relationships, once so alive and full of promise, feel distant and sad. Empty. Lined with rejection. I went home and crawled into bed. I lay there off and on a couple of times. I talked to the Lord about how hard it is to go on some days. I know He heard me and He will sustain me. It was just one of those days where it was hard to put on a happy face and do the laundry and dishes. It was hard to imagine getting up tomorrow and doing all of my daily-ness all over again. But I will.
I mentioned yesterday that I'm battling some addictions (food, internet, social media, etc.). When I back away from them I feel the rush of emotions that they were distracting me from. I guess I need the same pep talk I've given countless times to a loved one who is addicted to drugs. I keep telling them that life is hard and we have to power through in God's strength, because our own will never, ever, ever cut it!
God's strength and sense of purpose is always there, no matter how fierce the storm. No matter how the winds howl and the rain snatches your dreams from your hands, whirling them into the gutter, slanting sideways to beat the smile from your face. He is always there. We live for him, not merely in the light of his presence. We live to know him and to be known by him. Those of us who are in Christ have a treasure that cannot be wrenched from our hands. There is no rain that can drown our purpose in Christ. I suppose today was a day for me to be honest with the Lord (and I was) and to make a plan to renew my joy in Him for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. It usually is.
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