The Lit Path

I was helping a family member clean their garage and she gave the lamp in the picture to me. There were two of them. I brought them home and began using them on my screened porch.

Light. Seems to be a theme for me. I love candles and any other piece of decor that lights up. Light is crucial to my sense of well-being. But light is much more than that to the collective human race. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is turn on a light somewhere so that I can get my coffee going. Then I flip the switch in my study/prayer room so that the lamp I read by will illuminate the space where I sit. Without light we don't know where we are going. We can't see where we've been. We cannot do much of anything. Sure, we could feel along in the dark. We could make things work somehow without light. I guess we could make do in a dim setting. But darkness. How penetrating is darkness? I'll tell you how.

When I went into a cavern here in East Tennessee, they turned off the lights. We were bathed in a darkness that could be felt, like that of the Egyptian plague of darkness. It was mightily palpable. I didn't like it a bit. 

Darkness like that is awfully helpful for sleeping, though. I'm a light sleeper. The darker, the better for me (if my husband is nearby for protection). Same is true for our spiritual lives. I have posted this disclaimer many, many, many times. If you are reading this and you've watched me struggle (or just give in to) sin, I will not back up from your assertions. I have sinned and, sadly will sin again. I've decided, however, that for the rest of my life I'll use my time and abilities, however weak they may be, to glorify God and to encourage others to seek Him with all that they have within them. To know Him and to enjoy Him. To draw strength and courage from the light of His glorious love and fellowship. I'm sure I'll be told I'm not worthy. I'm ready for that. 

"Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, to the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever, Amen." Jude 1:24-25, KJV.

 

Rainy Days, Coffee and Jesus

Well, it's official. I've become one of those cheesy people who wear t-shirts with the Lord's name on them. A person who titles a blog post as I just did. Age changes ya. You don't judge. You can't anymore.

That's not what this post is about, mom and husband Gary (the two people who always read my posts, my only fully consistent audience-Gary because it's foisted upon him via text and he has to sit next to me at dinner and will be asked why he did not respond). Survival and all. 

This post is about seeking and seeking and falling and seeking and falling again. Lately I've been super-sick of me. I want sanctified speech, but I want to complain and "vent" (AKA gossip, fault-find, lambast) about as much as I want a honeybun (which is around the clock). While all of the rest of you are enjoying the beauty of heaven, perhaps exploring new colors and textures, looking for loved ones, racing to hug Jesus, I'll spend the first little bit breathing sigh of relief after sigh of relief that I cannot sin anymore. I cannot make myself sick anymore. What a freedom that will be! I can see myself, bent at the waist, hands on thighs, blowing out and breathing in that holy air. 

Today I was particularly desperate. I had lain in the bed for hours scrolling social media and shopping online. Hollowed out by that craziness and a little sore from a short fall on a hard ground yesterday, I remembered that 1) I've got a screened porch and 2) I've got lots of scented candles. I grabbed my bible and headed out there. I spent a few minutes in the book of Matthew and a few details stood out. The wise men followed the star to Jesus. A star. How beautiful is that illustration? God has always revealed Himself in nature. He always will. The bible says they were overjoyed to see that star. Somewhere in my reading Jesus was said to be the one who would shepherd Israel. He is MY shepherd. Yes, yes, yes. He is my shepherd.

What does that mean on this rainy spring afternoon? I don't have to go anywhere without His guidance. I get to choose. I. Get. To. Choose. And you know what the best part is? When I lose my way, the bible says he will search me out and bring me home. He knows the sound of my cry, even when that cry sounds like overeating or over-scrolling. Praise God!

 

What A Difference

 

What a difference two-and-a-half years makes! I've done so much...and failed to do even more. I am giddy with the memories of talking to so many about their faith in the Christian store where I've worked part-time the last ten months. I'm still awed by the miracles I've heard recounted as I ghost-wrote testimonies for a drug-and-alcohol-rehabilitation-related ministry. The restoration of lives from the ground up by a gentle, loving Savior who longs to be good to us all shored up my faith in ways I can't fully articulate.

I'm stilled to the bone with thanksgiving at the thought that God Himself came down and pulled my youngest child (aged 23) back from the grave and restored him fully. I'm stunned that he sent a friend to remind me of all that's He's always reminded me of...and to an unlikely place, too! Who am I to receive such favor? Who am I to be so blessed? Who. Am. I?

I have recently watched in deep sorrow as another family member has come to the end of his long life, wavering in that shadowland between life and death. I grieved, only to be shocked into emotional stability as my husband exclaimed, "This is not the end! It's only the beginning!" He then asked me if I really believed the Bible. Of course I do. I just needed reminding of how short this life is and how long eternity is. I'll never fully understand it. At least not on this side of the veil. The Bible says He has set eternity in our hearts, and that I know full well, because I constantly yearn for home. I think all of the time I spend on Realtor.com and in research of faraway places to retire is merely an extension of yearning for my true home. That longing will find its satisfaction in JESUS one day when I am physically in His glorious presence.

Since my last post so many months ago I went to the life celebration of a friend who had lost her way spiritually. Such a beautiful, intelligent and sensitive soul. She was crushed by the realities of life on this earth and, though she wavered from the anchor she had always had in Christ, she never completely lost hold of His hand. I feel sure that she is enjoying the glories of heaven and that I will see her radiant face again. Though I was broken by the way she was taken, I know that she wouldn't come back to this tattered earth for anything at all. She is whole, she is at peace, she knows true joy.

In short, the last couple of years have made me want to count the years. How can I better serve Jesus? How can I better love others? How can I worship more fully? How can I? How will He work in me? I want to be who He wants me to be. If you've seen me actively not representing Him well, I am very sorry. However, He's infinitely more faithful than me. He's completely trustworthy. That's how I know I can trust Him to get me where I'm supposed to be going. Oh, Lord Jesus, help me to use my time as the precious treasure that it is! I love you!