Rainy Days, Coffee and Jesus

Well, it's official. I've become one of those cheesy people who wear t-shirts with the Lord's name on them. A person who titles a blog post as I just did. Age changes ya. You don't judge. You can't anymore.

That's not what this post is about, mom and husband Gary (the two people who always read my posts, my only fully consistent audience-Gary because it's foisted upon him via text and he has to sit next to me at dinner and will be asked why he did not respond). Survival and all. 

This post is about seeking and seeking and falling and seeking and falling again. Lately I've been super-sick of me. I want sanctified speech, but I want to complain and "vent" (AKA gossip, fault-find, lambast) about as much as I want a honeybun (which is around the clock). While all of the rest of you are enjoying the beauty of heaven, perhaps exploring new colors and textures, looking for loved ones, racing to hug Jesus, I'll spend the first little bit breathing sigh of relief after sigh of relief that I cannot sin anymore. I cannot make myself sick anymore. What a freedom that will be! I can see myself, bent at the waist, hands on thighs, blowing out and breathing in that holy air. 

Today I was particularly desperate. I had lain in the bed for hours scrolling social media and shopping online. Hollowed out by that craziness and a little sore from a short fall on a hard ground yesterday, I remembered that 1) I've got a screened porch and 2) I've got lots of scented candles. I grabbed my bible and headed out there. I spent a few minutes in the book of Matthew and a few details stood out. The wise men followed the star to Jesus. A star. How beautiful is that illustration? God has always revealed Himself in nature. He always will. The bible says they were overjoyed to see that star. Somewhere in my reading Jesus was said to be the one who would shepherd Israel. He is MY shepherd. Yes, yes, yes. He is my shepherd.

What does that mean on this rainy spring afternoon? I don't have to go anywhere without His guidance. I get to choose. I. Get. To. Choose. And you know what the best part is? When I lose my way, the bible says he will search me out and bring me home. He knows the sound of my cry, even when that cry sounds like overeating or over-scrolling. Praise God!