No Risk, No REWARD!

In evaluating my life at 43, I find so many things about my current way of doing things to be totally lacking. For years loved ones have asked me to stop looking at life through an "all or nothing" lens. This is the reason I stopped writing. I couldn't get a Pulitzer Prize so I pursued nothing. Same thing with socializing. I hit a few dead stops, let the dining room get dusty and stopped shopping for serving dishes. Finally, I allowed my depression to rob me of just about everything. I became (for the first time ever) a homebody. For so many years, I would get out, even if I was carrying a toddler who got into everything, absolutely every day. At least once. Now, with my kids in school, I have gotten into the habit of staying at home all of the time. Time to make a change. My depression has a spiritual dimension, and is rooted, at least in part, to isolation caused by an aversion to rejection and failure (sometimes a failure that is only perceived) which leads to running into a safe place. No risk, no disaster. I need to re-write that line in my head to read "No risk, NO REWARD"!!! While on a coffee-sipping/deer sighting tour (saw three beautiful deer in an open field, all three of which summarily fled as soon as I parked and popped my lens cap) this morning, I thought again of how I will begin to live again, begin to take risks again. I hope I never forget all that Satan robbed me of in these last, oh, 10 years or so at home during which I became paralyzed by disappointment and fear. I am going to become a woman of prayer and faith again. I will choose to see problems as challenges, opportunities for God to show himself strong on my behalf while I watch in amazement, dazzled by his love and care. If my blog posts seem to be redundant lately, please bear with me. I have to chew on things before I pack my bags and roar out. It's just my way.