Two blog posts in one day. This is a first for me. I apologize for doing this to my regular readers (waves to her mom)! I came very close, just this evening, to ending my blog writing altogether. Why, you ask, would I cease to report the mind-bendingly dull drivel that drips through my housewifely brain at the break of every dawn, emergence of every rainbow and every encounter with a baby animal? Why would one move away from such poetic reports that sound in the breast of one whose life is intimately intertwined with Wal-Mart and Publix, with Comet cleaner and Arm and Hammer? Hypocrisy.
Hypocrisy is a fatal flaw in the human heart. Rarely have I encountered a person so noble they bore no trace of it. Even interwoven into the most mature heart are convictions that, while admirable, are at odds with each other. Where my own habits and issues are concerned, however, I am not referring to noble convictions warring for dominance. I am worried about my propensity to criticize others behind their backs. Usually heavily cloaked in humor, such criticism is my personal way of leveling the playing field. Often the victim has hurt me and I want to make myself feel better. It is really that simple. I will snicker to a close friend who I trust not to repeat my snarky remarks. I feel vindicated for a few moments, and then about as dirty as I could ever possibly feel.
I don't feel dirty because I don't realize that nearly all people do this. I have only met a handful of people, even among Christians, who NEVER talk badly about others. I don't feel dirty because I am harboring the illusion that one day I will be so mature that I never fail in this regard. Everyone gets angry or jaded sometimes. Jesus was the only person who did not commit this sin, as He never sinned at all. I feel dirty because, if it were possible to dust off the many layers of worldly, selfish dust that have accumulated on the surface of my heart, to penetrate beyond the grime of years of self-serving behavior, of putting off true spiritual maturity and of holding the Holy Spirit of God at arms length as He sought to cleanse, strengthen and change me, one would find a heart of flesh that, at base, really hungers and thirsts for God, just like the deer panting for streams of water which is spoken of in scripture. Just exactly like that. I am so thankful that He, while accepting me as I am (He died for me, knowing full well that I would be a sinner), expects me to stop all of this nonsense and learn what it means to live holy. Not a good life, merely, but a holy one. A holy life is marked by changed priorities and by changed speech, too. It is made possible through a relationship with Jesus. It is marked by love, not just for those who are like us or those who love us in return, but by love that doesn't ask for anything in return. It is marked by forgiveness of those who offend us and could not possibly care less that they did. It is marked by humility. This is me, asking you, my friends, to forgive me for not always being the authentic Christian that I desperately want to be. This is me asking for your prayers and your fellowship so I can learn from you.
Hypocrisy is a fatal flaw in the human heart. Rarely have I encountered a person so noble they bore no trace of it. Even interwoven into the most mature heart are convictions that, while admirable, are at odds with each other. Where my own habits and issues are concerned, however, I am not referring to noble convictions warring for dominance. I am worried about my propensity to criticize others behind their backs. Usually heavily cloaked in humor, such criticism is my personal way of leveling the playing field. Often the victim has hurt me and I want to make myself feel better. It is really that simple. I will snicker to a close friend who I trust not to repeat my snarky remarks. I feel vindicated for a few moments, and then about as dirty as I could ever possibly feel.
I don't feel dirty because I don't realize that nearly all people do this. I have only met a handful of people, even among Christians, who NEVER talk badly about others. I don't feel dirty because I am harboring the illusion that one day I will be so mature that I never fail in this regard. Everyone gets angry or jaded sometimes. Jesus was the only person who did not commit this sin, as He never sinned at all. I feel dirty because, if it were possible to dust off the many layers of worldly, selfish dust that have accumulated on the surface of my heart, to penetrate beyond the grime of years of self-serving behavior, of putting off true spiritual maturity and of holding the Holy Spirit of God at arms length as He sought to cleanse, strengthen and change me, one would find a heart of flesh that, at base, really hungers and thirsts for God, just like the deer panting for streams of water which is spoken of in scripture. Just exactly like that. I am so thankful that He, while accepting me as I am (He died for me, knowing full well that I would be a sinner), expects me to stop all of this nonsense and learn what it means to live holy. Not a good life, merely, but a holy one. A holy life is marked by changed priorities and by changed speech, too. It is made possible through a relationship with Jesus. It is marked by love, not just for those who are like us or those who love us in return, but by love that doesn't ask for anything in return. It is marked by forgiveness of those who offend us and could not possibly care less that they did. It is marked by humility. This is me, asking you, my friends, to forgive me for not always being the authentic Christian that I desperately want to be. This is me asking for your prayers and your fellowship so I can learn from you.
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