Oceans of Emotions

I am being taken to school, so to speak, on the topic of emotions. What I feel like doesn't necessarily translate into what I AM like. If this sounds circuitous to you, imagine how it is coming across to me, sitting here with too much lunch around my girth and my second cup of coffee in my hand, bathing in some negative emotions and hoping that I have, well, simply not encountered enough people today to totally dishonor the Lord.

I am turning forty-six this week. That doesn't feel too good. If you send me an inbox message that "it beats the alternative" I will unfriend you. Just kidding. Sort of.

Back to my central theme today. If I feel unspiritual, that does not mean that God has left me. That does not mean that I am cut off. If I feel out of sync with the Holy Spirit, that does not mean that He is not speaking to me, cannot get through my fog to me. I just have to keep showing up in my study and waiting for Him. Just have to keep making myself available. If I FEEL like a useless, boring housewife, I am probably not one. They would not know they were boring and, I guarantee you, would be bent over a baseboard scrubbing with a toothbrush or making a homemade birthday cake, floured up to their eyeballs. They would not be reading this blog and, if they did, "that's stupid" might fly through their curtains-carpet-recipe-laden mind as they quickly clicked away to take a "What Kind of Spider Are You" internet test.

But I, again, digress. As I sat down to pray, my mind was like a ping pong pall in a room full of two-year-olds playing with kittens. Then it hit me: I DON'T HAVE TO PRAY HIGHLY ARTICULATE, ALL-BASES-COVERED PRAYERS EVERY SINGLE TIME I PRAY. I don't have to shout at the devil every time (though sometimes it might be justified). I can just say a few things. I can turn my heart to heaven. I can go on with my day.

Some days we will just plain be uninspired, from an emotional standpoint. Other days, we will be flat-out led astray by our emotions, if we allow them to jerk us into the wrong actions or away from the right actions. This is why knowing that God is right at hand and will help us to finish our tasks every day is so vital to me. I will just keep praying that God will show me how to spend my days, then give me the strength to do what He showed me to do. Some days it will be fun. Other days, like today, my body will feel like dead weight under my lack of excitement. Somewhere under all of that flesh, the Holy Spirit lives. He doesn't leave. He WILL help me.

One day as I either worked on a latch hook rug or flitted about the house, I overheard Dr. Charles Stanley say "This thing of emotions is a big deal." Ummmm, darn tootin'. I think I laughed out loud when he said it, though he was dead serious. Another time I heard Billy Graham say during an interview, or perhaps I read it somewhere, that there were times the weakness in his body, under the pressures of old age and illness, made him want to refrain from his duties as an evangelist. However, God always came through for him, giving him the power he needed to preach.

Two things I can rely on, if I am willing to follow the Lord and don't shrink back from fear of the responsibilities He will give me: He WILL speak to me in ways that I can clearly understand, marking out the way for me to go. He will also supply all of the resources, including the emotional and physical strength I need for the tasks He has called me to. 

Knowing Jesus is My Highest Goal

Had a couple of down-in-the-dirt days during which I asked myself if I really have to keep praying for certain things. Well...yep. I do.

During those couple of days, yesterday especially, I felt so disconnected from the Lord, after having had such a revival of spirit in recent weeks due to really confessing the truths of the Word and letting them wash over my mind.

Complete submission to the Lord is challenging, but it is do-able. It is ONLY do-able through the power of the Holy Spirit. That's a  pretty good deal. Come to the Lord, ask for HIS power to do the right thing, then receive all of Him in exchange for my tattered, earth-worn self! Can't beat that deal.

What I have found in my quest to go deeper in the Lord is that my desire to seek and find Him needs to be greater than my desire for the amazing side benefit of having my prayers answered and enjoying incredible favor, blessing and protection. At first it was enough that the scales fell from my eyes and I was able to see that I could confess good things and have God help me with them. Then the distance came in between us and I believe it was because I was not still seeking as diligently, maybe focusing too heavily on the blessings, which are not bad things, they are just SIDE BENEFITS. I guess I was giddy with the joy of being instructed to believe for good things and I lost sight of the fact that the greatest benefit to sold-out Christianity is intimacy with Christ himself.

Today will be a better day than yesterday was! It did not start out that way, but it will end that way. I will put one foot in front of the other with my goal absolute, unfettered fellowship with Jesus. I will pray boldly for all the other stuff along the way because now that God has given me my hope back, I am not letting Satan snatch it with religious recrimination. It looks ridiculous in his sorry mouth.

God, My Father

How many of you realize that God is in all truly good things that touch a believer's life? Amen?

My dog is so loyal that, I noticed yesterday, when I went into the kitchen to use the computer, he followed me and laid out on his side on the tile floor for a nap, underneath the table where I had my computer propped. How comfy was that? Probably not very. For years, every time I take a nap on the weekend (and buddy, you better believe that's often), if I absentmindedly shut him out of the room, he will lay across the bottom of the shut door, on the outside of the room, patiently waiting for mommy. A few times recently I have sent him on up to our bedroom after Gary has gone to bed to "take a nap" (that's Charliespeak for time to lay by Laurie's bed for awhile). I nearly tripped over him going in to go to sleep later because he was laying by the door, waiting for me. He could not get to me, so he did the next best thing. He flanked the door that led to me. In all of creation, next to human beings of course, it's tough to find any living thing that approaches a dog for loyalty and selfless love. Charlie has an entire family that loves and is devoted to him. We have yet to figure out why or how he senses that he is my dog (he was a gift to me eleven years ago). God just decided to make him that way, to give him to me as a tangible reminder of His love for me.

Charlie, though a wonderful example, is just one of many expressions of love, just one of many precious gifts God has given me over the forty-plus years I have walked this broken sod. I was reminded of him because he is, OF COURSE, right here in my study at my feet.

Sometimes, in the heat of battle, I take my eyes off of Jesus, who the Bible says is the "author and finisher of our faith." I forget that I am not to fight the battle, but only need to be still, as God told Joshua. I will be most victorious when I am only looking at Jesus, only basking in His perfect love and understanding that He has his arms of protection around all that matters most to me. If I focus on what He is doing, rather than what my enemy is threatening, the battle will be won, and won handily. He said this to Joshua, that mighty warrior: "For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you." (Joshua 1:5b, NLT)

My friend Emmanuel Chekwa once told me, when I was looking for a job, that I should be filled with  "joyful expectation." That phrase has never left me. I pull it out often and I have quoted it to others. When we have a need, we should excitedly look to see what our Father is going to do! He takes EXCELLENT care of His children.

Of Blue Diamonds and Other Not-So-Hidden Treasures

A crew of CBS News anchors giddily surveying a rare blue diamond worth tens of millions of dollars caught my interest this morning. My coffee was cold and my day was off to a typical ADD start. Call this person, look for a hummingbird on my new feeder (none yet), wonder if I will get around to exercising, wonder if I can get Jonathan to hike with us this weekend. Look out window yet again. It was an aimless start. But not for God.

He is remarkably consistent at rolling up the night sky and tucking away the stars. He ceaselessly dispatches those ocean waves to shore. He sends the worms wiggling up to daylight so all of his beautiful birds can have a nice breakfast. He also, apparently, in all of his fascinating mystery, tucks blue diamonds here and there in the earth and then, because of his generous nature, allows people to dig them out. He showed us how to cut and polish them so that they, in the end, become something breathtaking, like the blue gemstone the woman from the South African mining company had on display this morning, reflecting light in a brilliant way from the velvety black background she held it on. She apparently knew her stuff. The woman gushed in an engaging South African accent, extolling the virtues of this rare blue diamond. I have to admit, I liked it. It was very, very pretty.

When people see things like that, I wonder, doesn't it take more work over the course of a thinking person's lifetime to NOT believe in a creator? Next question: how could one not fall deeply, madly in love with a being so outrageously creative, endlessly intelligent, crazily wise, Someone in whose hand is the turn of the seasons, the breath of all creation, the love between a mother and a child, the heart of a doe for her fawn. Someone who sets leaders of imperial nations on thrones, charts the course of history, diverts hurricanes, manages the storehouses of snow in the heavens (this is directly referenced in the Bible) and YET takes time to see each one of us, to communicate with us personally, to love us uniquely and individually and to reach out to us one by one????? I am all about my Father today! Make it my heart's cry every single day, Lord! You are SO EASY TO LOVE!!!!

Wobbly but Upright! (Well, most of the time, anyway!)

I hope that I have not, as I have embarked on regular blogging again, given anyone the impression that I have got it together or anything. I still struggle to keep peace in some of my key relationships, I still worry way too much, I still walk in fear when I should be stepping out in faith and swimming in the peace of God. I still struggle with gossip, critical speech and profanity, though prayer and drawing closer to God have had the natural effect, over the last couple of weeks, of washing some of that out to sea. This is refreshing! Every single time I post here, I am writing to remind MYSELF of things God is teaching me. I want a record I can refer to in the future, when fear and worry attack without warning. Of course I want to encourage others if I can. I want God to use me if He will. I just want you all to know that I am preaching first and foremost to my own sinful nature EVERY TIME I POST!

In short, I am still a red hot mess. The key difference is that when I wobble and topple over, in the last couple of weeks I am doing better about grabbing a handlebar of scripture (I have several that I confess every day RIGHT OUT LOUD) and getting back up. I cut my panicky episodes short by determining to listen to God's comfort, which is always right in my ear. Today I listened to a sermon a friend sent me (thanks Michele) and put on the beautiful comfort of the knowledge that this life is about showing God that we are his, that we love him, that he deserves our all, that we lay it all down for him. Sometimes that kind of redirect is even more comforting than all of the promises of protection, deliverance and provision (which I still believe, by the way, CHAPTER AND VERSE)!

Yes, I will still pray about EVERYTHING. Yes, I will still stand in faith (as God graciously hands it to me as a gift) for the answers to all of my needs and my children's needs. But I will look steadfastly to Christ and to the job He has allowed me to have on this earth of answering HIS call to serve Him and give my all to him. When I am waiting for the manifestation of the answers to my prayers I can remember that the hope of heaven NEVER wavers. I am going there and I am going to enjoy the fellowship of the God of heaven in the mean time on this broken old earth, right in the midst of the warfare that is a part of the Christian life.

I never want to give the impression that I am a super-charged warrior riding a wave of victory. No, I am a Christian wife and mother wending her way through some crazy challenges that sometimes overwhelm her like ocean waves during a hurricane. Sometimes I fall completely apart! I am learning that that is okay, too. As long as I don't STAY down. I am getting stronger, getting to a better place with the Lord. Learning to lean on Him. My faith muscles ARE growing! It will take me awhile. I have to learn to be patient.

Coffee on the Screened Porch

Today, though very hot, is brilliantly sunny here in Knoxville. I went out for a walk through the neighborhood and took time to notice a couple of things. Someone had a tree filled with pink berries which were spilling onto the sidewalk. I took note of how beautifully the pink of the berries lay against the soft green of the leaves. This particular house has a lush, well-kept landscape. Once when I walked past, I saw the homeowner on her knees working hard at something in her pretty yard. Today when I passed I remembered something I heard on a Christian radio show this week..."Perfection is not possible, but excellence is." So true.

A little path leads from our neighborhood pool along the back of the neighborhood. It eventually hooks to the walking path beside a busy road. Before you hit the road, you walk next to a quiet stream. I saw a few small golden leaves escape their tree and aimlessly meander to the ground. Fall, with all its majestic glory in the Smokies, is on its way. I will buy a  little outdoor fire bowl and roast marshmallows this year. I am sure I will hike in the mountains.

The little joys in life have always held a particular solace for me. I revel in them! I remember the thrill of a new set of jacks on a summer day. Other kids might have been honing their chess skills, but, no matter, I was clumsily collecting those jacks between ball bounces on the driveway. While other kids may have been reading the adult classics, preparing for an Ivy League education, I was munching on "Nancy Drew," on those long, languid Saturdays before the internet. I held my breath when danger was near, and worked to solve the puzzle in my head before the book bore it out. I would not change a thing about my propensity to be very, very ordinary, and to hug those innocent joys to my heart all of the time.

I continue to carve out time to wallow in the basics of life. When I can't I get antsy for the opportunity. I hear the tinkling of fairy bells in my head when I finish a latch hook rug. It's magical to me that an image that was on paper is now on my canvas and, had I not taken the time to fasten all  of the yarn in, that image would never have appeared. I got really excited when I took a kit that had moldered in someone's attic for decades, applied my time and effort and there emerged a mama bear and her cub hiding in a blueberry alcove.

 I guess I probably enjoy animals so much because they represent the magic of God's creation in great diversity. When my little rabbit stands on his hind legs, he is instantly forgiven for only coming close enough to tantalize me before scurrying away. Watching my calico cat sleep, her tiny pink triangle of a nose motionless, her interesting patches of orange and gray tabby at rest makes my blood pressure lower instantly. I can imagine that when she was born, the one white leg with the oval of black and gray tabby was a pleasure to her Creator.

I am not saying I don't enjoy a symphony, or a wonderful meal at a nice restaurant. However, on the whole I am quite enamored of the simple things. You can have your champagne and caviar. I will enjoy my coffee on the screened porch.

Camping in The Lush, Green Forest of TODAY!

Anyone who knows me knows that I pray for and struggle to keep the victory in the arena of self-discipline. I hesitate to label myself outright lazy (though I probably could) as I have been known to work outrageous hours and put forth crazy effort toward things I enjoy (scrapbooking, rug-hooking, memory-making with my kids when they were small). When I was in school, my minimum standard for writing assignments was akin to other people's top standard. I was still lazy, though, when you consider that I never really did give those assignments my all because I knew I would get an "A" with my minimum standard. Okay, I've answered my own question. I am lazy.

This is quite possibly the longest introduction to a blog topic the internet has seen. This is not a blog post about laziness. Not directly, at least. I have already turned off half of my reading audience as my FB friends, while a varied group, are not a lazy bunch. Stick with me. You will relate, I guarantee.

As part of my initiative to position myself in God's will for the rest of my life, I have mapped out some goals. I organized a binder and I made some lists. Right out of the gate I find that it will be tough to do each day what I feel I need to do to meet my own goals while serving my family. Now I know how my husband feels coming into parenting and household issues after a full day at work. Last night I could not wind down because my mind was spinning in a million directions with regard to ways to help my kids map and reach some goals in a timely manner while managing my home and accomplishing some things for myself. I had done what I could all day, and it just did not feel like enough to make it to all of the finish lines in my head.

Today, though, while spending some time with the Lord, I was reminded of a simple truth. (Seems like all real, solid truths ARE simple...we would never be able to remember them otherwise.) God never intended for us to live in the future. Here is my proof: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matthew 6:34, NIV. This does not mean do not work toward a future. This does not mean do not plan. This means DO NOT WORRY.

I caught a vision of myself in a tent in the forest. One of the lush, green, still forests of the Smokies. I can now see myself pottering around the campsite, stoking the fire, making instant coffee (tying the food up so bears won't get it). This is how I would like to treat all of my TODAYS. I want to camp in them. Enjoy them. Stay put in them. If I would but get up, pray over the day, make my list of things to do and people to see, and then set out to conquer JUST TODAY'S LIST, I would find a peace that comes from doing one's best. The unplug time while the family is at work and at school and then again at reading time before bed would be restful and, oh I don't know, FUN even!

Friends, camp out in the beauty of today. Tomorrow might not even come. Why waste a minute of joy on it?

Prayer Leads to Positivity!!!

When we are tired, there is an extra temptation to step out of God's will and sit on the sidelines. Sometimes this might be an indication we need a break of some kind. Maybe a nap. If you can't do the nap, wait until after work and just lie down. Turn off the T.V. Rest. Recharge. Plan a small getaway to a friend's house in another city. Ask God to help you to know when it is time for a mini-vacay. Those things are not cop-outs, nor are they unspiritual acts that mean you are an unfocused, uncommitted person. They are the time-outs that save us! They keep us on track!

Every single day of my life, it seems, I cry out to God for help with something. Usually that something is the self-discipline I need to get everything done. Often it is just some encouragement. Lately, I ask Him often to turn my heart back toward home. Heaven is my true home. I need God every hour to keep my mind off of this world and its emptiness. Some days I just plain wake up uninspired. It is so good to know that we don't HAVE to be at the mercy of our feelings. God can transcend them and give us a good, fruitful day anyway.

I have the tendency to obsess, in an all-or-nothing manner, about the things in life that just do not matter much. Today I was thinking about what a drain this habit is on my spiritual destiny, on my relationships. There is no good reason, I have decided, to dwell on anything negative. If there is something negative that must be dealt with, God will show me what I need to do about it. He will also lead me to pray about it. If I am neither praying nor doing anything proactive, what good could it possibly do me to think about it? Praying about the things that trouble us truly turn them around. If, for instance, I am upset that the dog has to go to the vet, instead of obsessing about what might be wrong with him I might say this: "Father, I thank you that you care for my dog because you made him. Flood him with your healing power. Bless my dog, and, while you are at it, bless my cats and my rabbit too! Let my home be awash in your favor." The situation is turned around. I am no longer upset, I am faith-filled, I am expecting my Father to come through for me and for things to be better in the future than they are now. Here are some scriptures to back me up this overcast Monday morning (the start of a week pregnant with possibilities to enjoy serving the Lord):

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phil. 4:6 (NIV)

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Phil. 4:8 (NIV)

An Utterly Defeated Foe

A wave of spiritual opposition smashed into me last night, after a wonderful day of communication with and from the Lord. Why does that always take me utterly by surprise?

Today I struggled to focus on Him, to listen to His voice of encouragement and truth. It has dawned on me, little by precious little, over the last couple of days, that I have been in agreement with the enemy of my soul rather than with the unchanging word of God. The last year was filled with deep disappointment and pain. It was awash with grief and what felt like permanent losses. At times is seemed as if I walked barefoot through the shards of my broken dreams. God has reminded me, yet again today in the wake of last night's battles for my mind and my spirit, that He has the last word and the word He has spoken over my life and the lives of my loved ones IS GOOD. None of these losses was permanent. Each day brings new mercies from His throne.

I have begun to pray bold prayers for favor for myself and my family. I am only asking God to do what He so eagerly desires to do. Provide for, protect, love, cherish, support, build up, guide, enhance, use, make fruitful and fill to the brim with fulfillment and joy each person I hold dear and me too! When the Holy Spirit is made welcome, something changes. Darkness has to leave. Despair has to lose its unholy grip.

The enemy doesn't trouble people who are not in love with Jesus. He doesn't take a whack at people who are content to live a quiet, passionless life outside of true intimacy with and service for the Lord. The good news for those of us who have decided to cross over into a sold-out brand of Christianity marked by daily obedience and FULL TRUST in God alone is that Satan can only swing his paper sword and roar behind his paper tiger mask. Jesus pulled his teeth at the cross. In Christ, we are victorious and he is completely defeated.

Wear the blood of Jesus today, Saints of God. Stand behind His robes of righteousness. Square your shoulders and focus on what He is doing in your life and in the lives of those you love. You may not see the evidence yet, but rest assured, He IS working.

A Roaring Fire

Holy smokes and stop the presses. Today's revelation was a big one. Gotta thank the local pastor on the radio yet again. I'll stop short of naming him, since he doesn't know me and I have no clue if he would approve of my blog, or of me in general, for that matter. He was chatting about fasting today. He was also quoting positive scriptures and talking about soaking our heads in them. (Okay, the soaking bit is my dramatic representation of his thoughts.)

This is a recurring theme the Lord is bandying about me lately, this claiming of the promises of God, this obedience and seeking leads to VICTORY business. As I sat in my car, looking out at the blue skies of a gorgeous sunny day, an unsettling question bubbled in my heart. Do I really want all of the blessings of God? Surely, the local pastor's words were so annointed and so challenging and so absolutely TRUTH-FILLED that I could hardly sit in the car with them. Even while he was super-charging my faith I was wanting him to stop so that I could be comfortable again.

The niggling thought that maybe I was afraid of the blessings of God, that maybe I was terrified of the hugeness of his plan for my life, that maybe I was shrinking back from the torrent of Himself that was about to come pouring over me if I would but yield fully to His Spirit just would not go away.

I am reminded of the Steven Curtis Chapman song that says "I'm diving in, I'm going deep..." What would it look like? Radically different than what I have experienced for the last twenty years. My life would burn like a roaring fire. The Holy Spirit would consume the enemy's plans for me. My thirsty soul would live again. I would THRIVE, not merely survive. My prayers would be answered. I would begin to stand in faith again. I would see my heart's desires come to fruition again and again. Things would change. Things WILL change. I am accepting the Holy Spirit's invitation to transform me, my circumstances, my life. I can't wait to record the results here.

The God Who Sees

If there is anything that sustains a believer in the spiritual war that begins at birth and ends when we walk into the arms of Jesus it is the certain knowledge that God sees and knows us individually.

Today, as I drove to an office supply store to return a calculator, locked in traffic on a busy commercial road, a local pastor's voice cut into my consciousness. He was talking about getting the joy of the Lord. It is our strength, he reminded listeners. He suggested prayer and being in the Word as the conduit. He said God wants to show himself to those who seek Him.  He quoted Ezra 8:22, "the hand of God is upon all them for good that seek him.(King James Version)" This is a verse I didn't remember hearing before. He also quoted my favorite verse: "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." (2 Chron. 16:9, NIV). This is when I burst into happy tears. I have been, for the last few days, seeking to turn over to the Lord a list of disappointments and worries that I have no control over. I have also been seeking to reclaim the sense that God is FOR me. That his favor goes before me, smoothing the rough places and flattening my foes. That His power is always at work in my behalf because I am His beloved. That He has a perfect plan for my life that Satan has no control over. That He sees and He cares. I knew he was using this man to place a slice of the divine into my car on a deadly dull errand in a monotonous daily location. In that moment, He diffused the boring with the supernatural and I could only cry in his presence. He was reminding me that He is the same personal God who has always walked before me and His glory is still, as it was for the Israelites fleeing Egypt, my everlasting rear guard.

On the way home from my errands, I pulled up to a light behind a compact car bearing the tag "Be Happe." I knew my Lord was, once again, hugging me to him tightly. He cares about whether or not we are happy. I don't care how many religious people tell  you he doesn't. He loves us more tenderly than we love our own children. He is for every single one of us who will fervently seek Him, the same God that he was to Hagar in the desert. "Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink." (Genesis 21:19) He will open our eyes to the solutions we need, giving us divine wisdom as to which paths to take and providing for us in our own private "deserts."

All of these things mean the world to me. However, today I just feasted on the fact that He loved me enough to see past the millions and millions of people on earth and in heaven to a middle-aged lady wearing a polka-dot blouse she bought on ebay who was locked in traffic on Kingston Pike in Knoxville, Tennessee, and show her that He loves her and wants a relationship with her. He feels the same way about you! Ask Him to refresh your spirit with some reminder of His personal interest in you.

Of Keychains and Hospital-Grade Lights...

Lots to say today. Many thoughts swirling. My day began pushing a buggy with a heavy tread at a discount grocery store. They have lots of stuff. You probably know the one I mean. I was praying all the way. You see, I hate mundane daily stuff. I have to force myself into the groove of them, and I am constantly popping out of said groove. My new time-management initiative involves only grocery shopping once a week. I kept wanting to move away from my list to all sorts of frivolity, like heart-shaped keychains with sayings ("DO NOT STOP AND REAL ALL OF THOSE KEEP THIS BUGGY MOVING," hollered the good angel on my shoulder).

Once I finished my "other" list, I headed into the food arena. I was supposed to, according to my "to-do" list  (gotta put that baby in quotes, because it will die a thousand deaths in the next few hours unless the good Lord intervenes), make a meal plan for the week, but as I strolled under the hospital-strength lights I formed one and tapped it into my phone. "Oh sheesh, tacos, breakfast at supper, ummm, we could have calzones, I can do my dorito chicken pasta casserole. I am getting pizza at least once. I am good," I mumbled aloud. 

At some point I passed a woman near my age, about twenty-five pounds lighter than me, trim and tightly groomed. She looked miserable, but I won't dwell on (or gloat about) that. WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE HER? I hate so many things, but my lack of discipline tops that list.

I struggled on home. I have already moved about five things on the "to do" list over to Wednesday. That's because it's raining, I have good snacks I can pop out of a can and bake, and there is plenty of housework to be done here. 

It's not that I want to stop being spontaneous, it's just that I wish I could have a heart that is bent on making good use of my time. On not wasting it. A heart that just says, "Lord, this day is yours. It is not mine to waste on meaningless stuff that doesn't advance me toward my goals. It is not mine to waste on purely selfish pursuits. It's YOUR day, Lord." I have made a list of personal goals. I am prayerfully seeking God's will for my life. I think discipline, order, hard work, excellence and planning are godly traits, because they lead to doing things well, which glorifies God. I am going to work on planning, following-through and discipline, all only through the power of the Holy Spirit. However, I know the key to changing my life is in changing my focus. If my focus is on obeying God, I will not waste the precious time He has given me. If I purpose in my heart not to waste that time, even if I do not get the first item on a given day's "to do" list done, I will have lived that day for Him.