Lots to say today. Many thoughts swirling. My day began pushing a buggy with a heavy tread at a discount grocery store. They have lots of stuff. You probably know the one I mean. I was praying all the way. You see, I hate mundane daily stuff. I have to force myself into the groove of them, and I am constantly popping out of said groove. My new time-management initiative involves only grocery shopping once a week. I kept wanting to move away from my list to all sorts of frivolity, like heart-shaped keychains with sayings ("DO NOT STOP AND REAL ALL OF THOSE KEEP THIS BUGGY MOVING," hollered the good angel on my shoulder).
Once I finished my "other" list, I headed into the food arena. I was supposed to, according to my "to-do" list (gotta put that baby in quotes, because it will die a thousand deaths in the next few hours unless the good Lord intervenes), make a meal plan for the week, but as I strolled under the hospital-strength lights I formed one and tapped it into my phone. "Oh sheesh, tacos, breakfast at supper, ummm, we could have calzones, I can do my dorito chicken pasta casserole. I am getting pizza at least once. I am good," I mumbled aloud.
At some point I passed a woman near my age, about twenty-five pounds lighter than me, trim and tightly groomed. She looked miserable, but I won't dwell on (or gloat about) that. WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE HER? I hate so many things, but my lack of discipline tops that list.
I struggled on home. I have already moved about five things on the "to do" list over to Wednesday. That's because it's raining, I have good snacks I can pop out of a can and bake, and there is plenty of housework to be done here.
It's not that I want to stop being spontaneous, it's just that I wish I could have a heart that is bent on making good use of my time. On not wasting it. A heart that just says, "Lord, this day is yours. It is not mine to waste on meaningless stuff that doesn't advance me toward my goals. It is not mine to waste on purely selfish pursuits. It's YOUR day, Lord." I have made a list of personal goals. I am prayerfully seeking God's will for my life. I think discipline, order, hard work, excellence and planning are godly traits, because they lead to doing things well, which glorifies God. I am going to work on planning, following-through and discipline, all only through the power of the Holy Spirit. However, I know the key to changing my life is in changing my focus. If my focus is on obeying God, I will not waste the precious time He has given me. If I purpose in my heart not to waste that time, even if I do not get the first item on a given day's "to do" list done, I will have lived that day for Him.
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