Of Rabbits and Running

I've come to an important conclusion. Well, important if you keep a rabbit as a pet. Rabbits are built for escape. If you doubt me, here's what I want you to do. I want you to imagine that your rabbit is getting wool block (a giant hairball in the stomach). You must put olive oil with a couple of drops of molasses for flavoring in it into a syringe and convince said rabbit that it would be really good for him or her to ingest this. If your rabbit's semi-feral like one of mine is, the results will be quick and decisive. He or she will absolutely escape the oil. It will not land in the mouth.

I have walked across my backyard with this semi-feral creature in my arms and had him explode straight up into the air. He escaped my grasp and landed, unharmed, on his feet. It seems that, once a rabbit has decided to get away, every cell is engaged in telescoping the body into the smallest and strangest of contortions imaginable to fit the escape hatch, be that someone's arms or the hole created by a warped board in a fenced backyard. A footnote: you won't catch them unless they decide that you can. We have not been given the warp-speed reflexes of a rabbit on the run. Not physically, at least.

Human beings have souls. These souls are a lot like the flexible, escape-oriented physicality of a rabbit. When we sense the danger of emotional pain, we become automatic masters of escape. We are creative. Billions are spent annually on hobbies which, while healthy and good in and of themselves, become toxic when overused to the detriment of work, family and spiritual life. Lives are ruined and even ended by drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and food. The reason so many refuse to turn to God for healing and protection from the difficulties and pain of life and relationships is that we have been fed a lie by Satan, the enemy of our souls. He tells us that coming to God will result in punishment, and in a penance for sin and an expectation for good behavior that will be many times heavier than the chains we hide beneath our social media games and apps, beneath our dozens of shopping bags, behind a myriad other addictions that we simply cannot cure ourselves of.

I have some really good  news for you: Jesus is the lover of your soul. Not the hater, not the condemner, not the abuser. The. Lover. He died a very painful death on the cross so that you would not have to carry the shame of your shortcomings. As soon as a detail of your life becomes difficult or hard, hit your knees, not the liquor cabinet. I guarantee that new purse will not stop the forces of hell that want to defeat you. But Jesus can, and He will. Let him fight for you. The playground bully is no match for him. He DOES have a wonderful, fulfilling plan for your life. Here is a little wind beneath your wings: "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." (Psalm 37:23, New Living Translation of the Holy Bible)

Sound of needle scratching on record. "Lady, you just typed the word 'godly.' That would exclude me," so many of you may be thinking. Well, here's the thing: the godly are those who have given their hearts and lives to Jesus and are, while far from perfect, trusting Him to be their righteousness. Those of us who are in Christ can do a few things to allow the Holy Spirit to smash our chains. We can sit alone in God's presence every day, talking to Him and listening for his response in our spirits. (I journal.) We can read his word, the Bible, while asking for the Holy Spirit to teach us from it, and to reveal the true meaning of the scriptures. We can gather regularly with other Christians to draw strength from them and to hear good teaching. We can read books by Christian authors and teachers. We can sing songs of praise to God. We can protect our minds from exposure to wrong media content. All of these things will help us grow closer to Christ, strengthening us in challenging times. When we are tempted to sin, Jesus is at our right hand, holding onto us. When we fall, his loving presence envelops us, picks us back up and sets us instantly on the right track again, completely forgiven.

The best practice for me has been to regularly take time away from constant media saturation. It also strengthens me tremendously in my spiritual life to simply call on Jesus throughout the day for every need I have. I really do want that to be my first response to Satan's call to sin at every turn, followed by his whip of condemnation and dark fog of rejection. Jesus does not condemn. Jesus saves, heals, delivers, and forgives. Don't mistake religion for a savior. Jesus is alive. He is beside you and IN you if you have given your life to  him and acknowledged that He is the only way to heaven, the only path to the Father! Stop listening to the wrong voice and hear the voice of God. When you fall, you will be helped back up, washed completely clean by His blood INSTANTLY!  Have a wonderful afternoon in Christ!

The Roar of His Waterfall

Today marked the second time in a couple of years that I headed toward the mountains in the rain with the thought "Today is a beautiful day." I love the rain in the Smokies, provided the downfall is not so torrential I can't see the mountains and streams, the evergreens and hardwoods,the boulders and wildlife.

The thought: "Today is a beautiful day," has more to do with the idea that God is with me. He is in me and around me and cascading over those rocks like the water that gushed around nearly every turn and down every hillside in the tiny stretch of the Smokies that I traversed between the entrance to the Great Smoky Mountains and Cades Cove.

Once inside the Cove, I reveled in the worship music I was playing. I couldn't get over the water imagery. Every drop of rain, every inch of stream that gurgled reminded me of the anointing of the Holy Spirit, how He is like a crystal clear deluge in the desert. He truly is. One song I played again and again repeats the phrase "we lack nothing"....and we don't in Christ. He is more than enough for all of our souls. The ache and bend of hunger comes roaring in when we shut Him out. Often we shut Him out by degrees. He calls us one morning and we do not come to our secret place with Him. We leave our Bible closed for a week. We mishandle our time, our talents, our resources and our emotions. The gap widens, the hunger grows, and we, like dim-witted sheep, attempt to feed it by grazing in barren pastures, elbowing our fellow wanderers out of the way for the scrubby weeds of of a sun-scorched field while the Shepherd waits nearby in a well-watered, nutrient-rich pasture. Quietly tending the wise souls who have sought constant refuge with Him.

The way home is so quick and easy! His eye is out for us! He is running toward us! He is scooping us up, binding our wounds, pointing the way back. Dinner in the good pasture is eaten with thankfulness. It isn't rushed. It is savored.

Passion Required

For  years now, quite possibly since the day I abandoned my pre-college dreams of a successful career in communications, I have felt like the part of me that yearns to communicate was operating exactly like a person going through life, attempting to function in everyday tasks such as showering, making coffee, driving, etc. with a blanket over their head and shoulders. It's weird.

Oddly enough, I was the one who wanted to stay home with my kids. Where my feet could never find stable purchase was the gray area between all and nothing (no career and workaholic). I could not master this. I would never go back and not be here with them. I would make that choice again and again and again. I have enjoyed their milestones and loved being there for them in every season. I have feasted on that. Still do.

What happens, though, when you yearn and yearn and yearn to express to the world who YOU are as an individual, but yet find no outlet for this expression? What do you turn to? In my case, a world of addictions to food, hobbies and internet research. I glutted myself on all of the above. I made myself really sick of them. I'm getting old for this kind of reflection. And yet, here I am, reflecting.

I don't think a crazily successful career would have stilled the longing to express. I think it would have felt like an empty soda can. I would have been pulling at the straw, sucking air, in the first year I bet. Choking on the competition, which would have killed a soul like mine, a soul that likes to connect with others rather than alienate them.

I'm a complicated person. Those who know me best are still confounded by me. That's okay. I'm still becoming who I hope to be. Sometimes I feel the best parts of me are still tucked under that blanket, still blindly doing what everyone else does while eagerly longing to do something of more consequence while at the same time really enjoying the mundane mundaneness (my word) of domestic life, of its predictability and its sureness of bringing me into constant contact with my husband and children, who I adore. This post may be rife with grammatical horrors, owing to my propensity to eschew works of higher reasoning and hug a feel-good novel. Or two. Or thirty.

Hey, what would happen if I wrote a book? A story that someone out there connected with on some level? I've begun one before. Someone gave me a lukewarm review and I abandoned the pursuit the way a runner abandons a race once an ankle gives way. I've exhorted my readers (waves to my handful of close friends and family) to find a passion. Mine has always been words! They are my clay. Time to pull them out of their dusty drawers and toss them around. When they are sucked into the wheel of my imagination, who know what will emerge. Might be garbage. Might be magic.Who knows?

Postcards from Heaven on a Rainy Day

As I sat on my couch yesterday morning, I had the distinct impression God wanted to give me something. A postcard from heaven, perhaps. I thought He might be telling me it was in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I literally threw on my shoes, grabbed some tennis shoes in case I decided to hike down to a waterfall in Cades Cove, and vanished from my home.

As I entered the park, the beauty of the fall leaves forming a canopy over the road astonished me. I could not believe how amazing they were. The yellows and oranges left me breathless. The forest is secretive, magical and healing in any season. Yesterday, in the height of their autumnal glory, the trees that populate it were literally glittering with joy. There was no sun to wash them, highlight them. Only a steady drizzle that, in some places along the way to Cades Cove, turned into rain.

I kept thinking about how fall color like this isn't supposed to have such a "wow" factor on a rainy day! In such weather, the leaves are usually muted and nearly sad. Reds and oranges become muddy-brown and rust, almost. Not yesterday. I drew an analogy to the life of Christ in me, to the potential He birthed in me forty-seven years ago, and, most importantly, to the beauty of walking side-by-side with Him.

When trees are at the peak of their fall color, a sunny day makes them look as if a light has been switched on inside every leaf. They shout at us, they are transformed under the power of the brilliant light of the sun. The potential for this beauty is hidden in each leaf, drawn to its full potential by the rays of the orb God formed by the word of his mouth. Without the light, their potential remains hidden. Same with  us. Unless we allow the light of God's truth to obfuscate the lies of the devil, we will never shine as the whole, unique, gifted people God created us to be. We won't shine for his glory and enjoyment. We won't know the fulfillment of being all we were made to be. Similarly, we have been offered full, enduring, moment-by-moment fellowship with Jesus, the sweetest, most attentive lover our soul could ever know. If we are not open to His constant communication, a relationship that should make us glow with joy, peace, love and contentment will be cloaked in secrecy and the hide-and-seek games we play due to cherished sins, and will result in a life that does not shine for Christ, doesn't make others want Him.

As I drove the scenic loop through Cades Cove, taking dozens of pictures of mountains shrouded by mist, of trees in scarlet robes, of fields stretching into mountainous horizons cloaked in mystery and the blue haze these hills are known for, I kept an eye out for that postcard that I knew was coming. I thought it would probably be a mama bear and cubs. It was. As I rounded a bend in a slow-moving train of cars, there she was, not far from the road I would be passing her on. She never looked up as I creeped by in my car, snap, snap, snapping her photo. I tucked the image of mama and babies into my heart, folded them into my soul for later. A bit further on I tried to tell myself that seeing a bear was not so rare (for me), and that this was coincidence. A still small voice beckoned me not to dismiss God's sweet love note to me in the form of that little family under the tree by the scenic loop. I chose not to.

One final lesson awaited me as I sat in bed googling, of all things "battery-operated candles that don't glow orange." I have two wall sconces on which rest two wonderful, battery-operated candles that I simply detest. They glow orange. They make my dining room look like a Halloween display. Can't stand them. I want lights that glow cream, or white. Gentle, but peaceful and pure. My google request gave the search engine a migraine, apparently. It took Chrome a few seconds to come up with some stuff. Apparently other people are okay with an orange glow. I don't want my life to glow orange. That's tawdry and tacky. That's cheap and easy-to-get. I want the pure glow of the Holy Spirit to illumine every passage in the halls of my heart.

The Eyes of the Lord Have Sought You Out!

I distinctly remember a time that was carved out, planned, paid heavily for and executed for the purposes of family bonding. A trip to Yosemite National Park in California. One of my sons refused to pose with me in front of a waterfall. This individual was not a baby, but rather a teenager. I remember his lack of participation in the trip at large felt exactly like an amputation. Horrible. I didn't handle it so well. I burst into tears in a classic manipulation scene geared to make him feel as guilty as possible. Not nearly as productive as it was just plain stupid.

In the ensuing years, many things transpired to make me feel as if everything I had invested my life in was either a lie or an abject failure. I kept tripping over me. I never did "let go and let God." Not once that I recall! I never said to myself "Well, you did what you did and this is what it is." No. I tried to drag my dead dreams by the scruff of the neck into the land called "Fruition." When I got the corpse across the finish line I realized the victory was quite hollow.

I'm just not sure any family has the white picket fence. I've simply talked to too many candid mothers. LOL!

The point of this blog post is this: If you are currently in the valley of dead dreams and heartbreaking loss, pull up a chair and let me pour you a cup of virtual tea. Then I want you to look around at the sea of people who are joining us. There are millions of us here, sipping, sharing, and learning to readjust our sails.

What does it mean to readjust our sails after loss? What is does NOT mean is that we consider everything we've been blessed with as "less than." Your life story matters. It is leading to something (a lot of somethings). You have the children you have because God loved you enough to lend them to you! They are all precious, no matter how different the script for their lives reads from the edited version you kept handing back to them! Even the relationships that have ended have some happy memories interwoven through them. You have golden apples amid the rotten ones! You have lessons learned, people loved, times you shared when you did not have enough for yourself. God saw it all. He is listening now.

It is a lie of Satan (the ENEMY of our souls) that our histories are empty, useless, meaningless, because life did not turn out exactly as we planned. My first weapon of defense against this lie is the rebuttal that I am going to live for eternity because I belong to Jesus Christ. My second weapon of defense is the idea that I am not dead yet. As long as there is life, there is hope for God to use me. At one particularly dark point in my life in terms of circumstances, I remember thinking if all God wants me to do is be still, I'll do that! I am fully His!!! That is a full, joyful and meaningful place to be. It's also a safe place, because no human being can touch you there, in the palm of His hand. His love is enough, his approval washes over you and fills every hurting space in your heart.

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth, seeking to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 1 Chron. 16:9

Set Your Dreams Afloat on the Master's Stream!

A few years ago, I made the conscious decision that my blog would be a true offering to Christ. That I would write what was on my heart, and float each entry into the stream of God's purposes. If the entry eddied and swirled around a boulder, never finding purchase in the stream of His intents, so be it. If it washed over another soul who needed the balm of the Master's touch, how wonderful! Never would I ever claim it, tout it, or use it for my own mantle of self-righteousness, self-promotion, or self-worth.

I am sticking to this resolve. I wonder how many of us, should we truly give our God-given gifts back to the Almighty, with no reserve, would find some deep-seated well of contentment that we never knew existed? We were created with specific purposes! We have jobs! What a fun and comforting thought!!! When we find those niches, what a joy to set about with hammer and nails (or computer and a fistful of fun words) to build a life in Christ!

I challenge each of you today, as I did in my last post, to find that thing you are truly passionate about, and pursue it with abandon. God will give you the freedom to be who He made you to be. Will you let me know what you discovered?

It's pretty easy to discover a calling.  What do others notice that you are good at? What would  you do with your life if money were no object? Find a way to do that thing part-time! Find a way to express those abilities and passions on a regular basis. Most importantly, offer all of these efforts as a sacrifice to God, who loves you and gave you deep-seated desires, creative ideas and unique talents. Don't let them become dormant. Don't jealously protect them in the inner sanctum of your heart out of a fear of disappointment or failure. Dream big, and be prepared to fail gloriously at first. As my friend Emmanuel would say "You cannot stub your toe standing still." He's right!

The Beaver Who Launched a Thousand Words (Or More)!

I have identified as a writer since my mom made such a big "to-do" over a poem I wrote in third grade. It was about, of all things, a stuffed beaver Dad had bought for me while in an airport somewhere on a business trip. I loved that thing! It was a big deal, for some reason. Not very big, not very impressive. Why my dad brought home a beaver is anybody's guess, but he was precious to me! I still have him somewhere. I saw him during one of our moves.

I went on to get degrees in English and journalism, and to work as a freelancer. I have never veered from my first love. It's lain dormant at times, but the seeds of love for the well-turned phrase, the glitteringly perfect description of life's intangibles have never left my heart.

Isn't it glorious to have a calling, a passion, something that thrills you to practice? What's yours? Don't know? Think long and hard about what work you do that does not feel like work on any level. One night recently on a sunset motorcycle ride, Gary and I passed a man with his garage door up. He was hunched over a table with some pieces of wood on it. His garage was filled with wood. Easy to see what his passion was, even from the back of a speeding (lawfully, and within the speed limit - LOL) motorcycle. When I see something like that, it makes me want to say a prayer of thanks for people who pursue their passions. They enrich all of our lives with their services and creations. Their joy is contagious, too. I love to talk to people about what they do. It's fun to watch their eyes light up and to hear them find fulfillment in all of the details. It's about doing what you were made to do.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again. If your job does not fulfill you, find a hobby that combines all of your deepest passions. In time, this hobby may become your work. If not, CONTINUE TO PRACTICE IT! Sometimes just being who we are to the "nth" degree is God-glorifying! I remember watching my oldest son play with his blocks when he was very small. He made cities out of them, then called me in to appraise his efforts. Just watching him enjoy the endeavor brought a thrill to my heart. I believe God feels that way too. BE WHO HE MADE  YOU TO BE!

Love to you all!

Expectation

Day dawned beautifully here in East Tennessee. I can't see them from my back porch, but I'm sure the Great Smoky Mountains are sitting on the horizon, their stately forms overlapping each other in serene blue layers. They are as sure as the love of God that surrounds me here as I look into my backyard, listening to the birds sing and wondering how God will work out all of the challenges that loom large in my heart and mind.

Thing is, I know that HE WILL. He has upheld me in the worst of storms. Patiently cared for me as I ran to and fro in a panic. I am sure I looked to him, emotionally, like I looked to my neighbors the other night when I held a large, flapping, flimsy, faux-bamboo beach mat over my head in a rainstorm as I sallied out to rescue my rabbit Hershey from his outdoor play yard. Don't know that Hershey even needed rescue. He uses a corner of his play yard as a rain shelter. The massive evergreens overhead form a thick enough canopy for him there that, unless the rain is being driven sideways, he can stay pretty dry. I wonder if he was sorry that I snatched him up. I know that when I was caught in a rainstorm on the way to Laurel Falls, I rather enjoyed getting wet. The cool rain felt like a balm.

One exciting thing about serving the Lord is that we can wait, as my friend Emmanuel Chekwa would say "in joyful expectation" for God to act. We know that help is on the way, and it will be fun to see how wonderfully and perfectly He intervenes, what blessings he has in store for us.

I would encourage all of my readers today to believe that, no matter what you are facing, God is in control. He has a beautiful plan for your life. Trust Him fully in the storms and you'll enjoy the sunshine of His presence every single day. You'll find beauty in each step of the journey. You'll have joy when you least expect it.

Getting Old, Getting Bold

It's strange to be nearly 47 years old. Really strange. How so? Well, for starters, used to when I would start yet another diet and exercise regime, each day I would look in the mirror, hoping for improvement. I have finally rounded a corner and realized, to my everlasting chagrin, that things are not getting better in the looks department. In fact, no matter how skinny (or fat) I get, I'm just getting older. Need to stop hoping for things to improve in the mirror. Not happenin'!

There are other things. I realized that most of my closest friends don't live anywhere near me. Makes me sad. There's Amanda in Headland, Alabama. There are Sherry and Lori in Chattanooga. There's Heidi in Nebraska (who has not eyeballed me in the flesh in over twenty years, which could be the reason she still loves me) and Terri in Birmingham. There's Melissa in Mobile, a college friend who loved me in spite of my crazy, impatient and temperamental nature. She was always having to forgive me!

There's wonderful Nan in Franklin. She cried with me when I was at the end of my rope there, and sat with me while I hugged myself in grief and fear.

But, after a year in this city that I have grown to love, I don't have anyone except my Stephen minister, who is very, very faithful to me. She has loved me with the love of the Lord through so many ups and downs in recent months. She's not paid a dime for the hours of godly counsel she gives me.

I have always felt like I was on a desert island. I truly love people, and by all standards am very much a people-person. For whatever reason, however, it's tough for me to make close friends. I have lots of acquaintances because, quite frankly, I would talk to the proverbial telephone pole. But acquaintances don't really care when you are sitting at home on a Saturday night, listening to the cicadas, when you would rather be at a party. They aren't aware when you wake to face another day in a silent house with only your pets to keep you company. They shouldn't care! You haven't invested in them. They don't owe ya a thing. 

I have a unique habit that may (or may not) be hampering my social calendar. When I suspect that someone is about to reject me on any level at all, I flee the scene. Right quick. As in faster than a coon with a bag of chicken in his mouth. Warp speed. I have no tolerance for rejection, real or imagined. I have tried to work past this, with disastrous results. I don't like this stupid island I am on, but I don't know how to get off of it. So I decorate it with loner hobbies (like blogging), reading, cross stitch and latch hook (not knocking those pursuits, heaven knows I need them). I have tried to infuse my little island with a sense of normalcy, but the white picket fence I tried to install kept coming up out of the sand. I finally tossed it into the ocean and declared myself a loner who hates being alone.

Pastor preached a sermon today on being a "spring" rather than a "container." Just pouring ourselves out for others with no regard as to whether or not they load us up with their compliments, time, invitations. I agree with the call to selfless living and staying engaged with others. I agree with it wholeheartedly. Plan to ask God to help me to do it. Not having any local close friends does NOT mean sitting at the house anymore. Not going to do it. Can't do it anymore. Just chilling here tonight and getting some thoughts out. Get to be an old lady like me and you start to feel like it's okay to be you and to let people see who you really are.

Some things may never change. Or they might. Who knows. I gotta be alright either way.

What's In a Name? Turns out, a whole heapin' helping!

Someone suggested to me that I change the name of this blog. It's not about miscarriage anymore. I get that. Also, they thought that maybe seeing the title again and again would prevent me from moving forward. I don't think so.

I'm leaving it as-is for now. Because the fact is, yours truly DID survive a midlife miscarriage. What's so different about a MIDLIFE miscarriage? How does it differ from a youth miscarriage or a younger-woman's miscarriage? I'll tell ya. I'll clue ya in. There's a big honkin' difference.

Let me roll the story back a tiny bit. All of this depends on your individual perspective. The middle-aged lady who has a houseful of teenagers and sees light at the end of her parenting journey, who has picked up all sorts of new hobbies and pursuits now that her children are exercising some independence and who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant will be wounded by a miscarriage. Yes, she will be. But she will dust herself off sooner than I did. Way sooner. Way more efficiently.

The young woman who has many child-bearing years ahead of her will be terribly wounded by a miscarriage. But she will heal heal lots faster than I did. Her loss will be assuaged by a baby, eventually.

Now then, there's me. I love kids, and would probably have had at least three, but compromised at two. At the age of forty-two, I got unexpectedly pregnant. I felt as though I had pulled the $300 million lottery ticket. Three weeks later when I realized I had miscarried, it was as if the lottery folks hopped on by and told me there had been a big mistake. There would be no baby for me. I was just too dern old to try for one, though when I had thought that the Lord was sending one to me, I had complete trust in Him, understanding that He writes no checks that cannot be cashed with confidence. Even I, idealistic romantic that I am, knew better than to emerge from my miscarriage on a fertility quest. God has given some women grace for parenting young children while in their forties, but that's not the direction I felt He was leading me.

God has done so much for me, before, during and after my miscarriage.  He allowed me to be, He ransomed me from my sins and He blessed me with two healthy sons. I love and value them so much. I may never know why I had to walk through that terrible sorrow, but I do know that God has been by my side, showering me with His tender mercies throughout my entire journey on this fallen earth. He has never forsaken me, and has been faithful when I was anything but. Some of my struggles have been a proving ground for faith. I have learned to value Christian fellowship and to be committed to it. I have learned that God WILL make a way where there seems to be absolutely NO way. Throughout my most recent struggles I have learned that He answers prayer and He is in the details of my life and my children's lives.

In the aftermath of my miscarriage, I learned that God is a healing God. He truly is. He bound up my wounds and helped me to be hopeful and happy again. In short, He healed me. He was never against me, He was holding me through my sorrow and He was sad for and with me. Two friends shared their heartbreaking stories with me, one of a stillborn, full-term child and one of a longed-for baby who was miscarried. Their stories strengthened me because I realized that when I poured out my heart to them, they knew, really knew, what I was feeling. They made me feel less alone. They populated my little island of grief with me. It helped. I know there are people who walk away from the Lord during a terrible storm. I cannot imagine doing that. In the first place, where on earth would I go? LOL! I have nowhere to turn! I have only my God and He alone is my fortress. He is the only one who is completely and utterly faithful and whose love absolutely engulfs me! For all of the help I have gotten from other believers (and it has been life-changing and tremendous), there are places in my heart God alone can touch and heal. Fears only He can still.

A Bend in the Road

My sister has noticed something about me. She saw a picture of a tree-lined road leading out of sight which I had recently hung over my sofa. “You like pathways,” she said. “New beginnings.” I had never really thought about it. But today as I paid for two new mini-prints, one of a flower-lined pathway, the other of a road flanked by gorgeous trees in all of their fall glory, I had to admit there’s a theme emerging here.

The Bible says that the end of a thing is better than its beginning. I have always thought that meant that it’s good to finish what you start. As a confirmed ADD hobbyist, project-doer and house cleaner, I like that scripture. I would love to learn to employ it. However, I also love the passage of scripture in Ecclesiastes which states that there is a season for everything. I guess each new season of life is something like a brand new roadway leading into the unknown. The mystery there, the freshness of a new opportunity, really appeals to me.

Wouldn’t life be boring if we always knew exactly what was up ahead? It certainly would be for me.  We bought a motorcycle last week. The plan is to explore the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I can already see all of those beautiful roads cutting through the park, not a sign of development in sight, a canopy of green arching over me or, in the fall, the reds, yellows and oranges exploding above while a cool breeze makes me happy to be alive. The corny little bit about enjoying the journey that we see in every gift shop on every conceivable piece of artwork really is true. It really is.

At every single bend in the road we have yet another opportunity. Will we seize the occasions for growth, joy, living life and our individual callings to the fullest? Will we return God’s tight embrace, feel His power beneath our dreams? Or will we head back the way we came, or perhaps even sit down by the side of the road, watching in jealous angst as others speed by, laughing and making a party of their experience with the Lord who loves them passionately? We do have a choice. We really do.

It occurred to me recently that every single time I have heard the Lord speaking to me directly, I have had a choice. I could obey and dive into the most amazing, fulfilling adventure of a lifetime, or I could back myself into a closet of broken dreams and unfulfilled wishes, of unreached potential and wasted abilities and opportunities.  I love all of my hobbies, but they are stress-relievers, not the main event. I love to shop, but that’s a diversion. It’s time to be about the things and the people who make up the meat of the sandwich of life! It’s time to shine. Not in an ego-centric way, but in a God-glorifying way!

Waking Dreams

Have you ever wondered where dreams originate? I don't mean the dreams that you have while sleeping, those disjointed, sometimes terrifying, oft-times humorous sequences that let our complex minds work out what is going on with us. I mean the dreams that are always just under the surface of every life.

The waking dreams. We are all a tad jealous of people who dare to throw themselves into the fulfillment of their wildest dreams, and, through hard work and perseverance, watch them flower beautifully, fully. Every one of us wants to be that person who threw caution to the wind (and, in some cases, sleep) to capture the elusive butterfly of fulfillment.

Fulfillment. For the believer, it's in Christ alone. Truly. However, in our pursuit of the Lord, we will fulfill our God-given dreams. Yes, you heard me right. People who are seeking Jesus with all of their hearts will have their dreams realized. Fully. Beautifully. Right here on this broken sod.

How do I know this? Because I truly believe that Jesus, the lover of our souls, puts dreams in each of us, then provides the means by which they are accomplished. Look, he set those stars in the night sky, the ones that are the perfect backdrop for the black silhouette of the tall evergreens in my backyard on a gorgeous spring evening. He is all about beauty. He is all about mystery. He is in everything fulfilling, everything exciting. He is in our hearts' greatest desires when our hearts are aligned with HIS!!! This should not be news to us as believers, but it probably is to most of you. We think anything that is not dour and harsh is not godly. Sorry to burst your piety bubble. I just can't operate like that.

Whatever is gnawing at you is your destiny. What in this wide world do you have to lose by giving Jesus your all...time, talents and faith in His provision. Invest your entire life portfolio into His plan for your life.Let. Him. Surprise. YOU! Your cup will run over.  He will provide a return you could not have had had you charted your own, safe course. A friend of mine once said to me (and I think he was quoting yet another dear soul) "If you can do it without God, it's not God." Translation: If I can accomplish it under my own steam, I have not followed God's plan and will for my life. He wants us to dream big and then to do big...and then to praise big and give Him all of the glory.

Hot Pavement

When I was a kid, hot pavement meant something awesome to me. It meant that it was SUMMERTIME! The living was E.A.S.Y. I'm talking kindergarten through third grade here. Not much expected of me. I remember chucking shoes to the wind and going barefoot all summer long. I remember riding my bike, swimming, watching television or, glory of glories: READING! The best thing about summer was the lack of structure. I lived for that freedom. It was a mighty big deal to me. Okay, okay, I was a super-lazy, pleasure-oriented kid. I know that. But I still enjoy thinking about the joy I felt when the last couple of weeks of school rolled around. I knew that glorious freedom was right around the corner.

Hot pavement means something different to me this morning. I think it may have been Beth Moore, or some other super-talented, very famous Christian teacher or writer who first planted the word picture in my head of the reality of the hot pavement of life. What he or she meant was that actually walking out the principles of scripture on the hot pavement of real life isn't nearly as pleasant as chatting about them among friends with a plate of cookies in one's lap. Not nearly as easy, mind you.

Pavement is hottest for me when it's good and time for me to stretch out into my calling, dust my gifts and get busy with the body of Christ. That's when I love to head to the online mall, so to speak. Get shopping. Get to chatting on Facebook. Get my hobbies in overdrive. Anything but confront my responsibilities in Christ. It's called REBELLION, folks. Being the god (extra little "g") of my own life. Pretending to innocently pursue fun stuff when, in actuality, I am disobeying God. Flat. Out.

Don't' want to load any of you with condemnation this morning. Heaven knows (and the Bible says) that it was for freedom that Christ set us free. However, if you say you love the Lord and yet live your life in opposition to what you KNOW He is calling you to do, you are living in rebellion to the Holy Spirit (I should know).

You are cheating yourself of the abundant life Jesus so badly wants to shower upon you!!! Don't do it!!! Plan your day in accordance with prayer and the Word of God. Meet with Him early. Do that thing He is urging you to do. Do it. Just do it.

God is With Us

Neck-jerk day. Wow! Went to a power-packed Bible study filled with godly women who know what they are about in Christ and led by an anointed lady. Went to the bathroom...left the stall thinking about how I hate to see myself in the light of that particular room as it makes my hair look its worst only to have a lovely young lady I have never seen before enter the church restroom and say "I love your hair. It is beautiful. The way it lays on your shoulders, just looks so nice." My response in the spirit is "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That's all I have. God just keeps using the body of Christ to build me up, prop me up, hold me up! He loves me enough to CLAP his hand over the devil's mouth just as the last ember of life is leaking out of me.

God has some amazing plans for me. I don't just know this because Jeremiah 29:11 tells me this. I know this because the devil is fighting hard to immobilize and tranquilize and kill me. I know this because God is actively reaching out to me, communicating with me and loving me. I know this because my spirit leaps up within me whenever I think about my God-given destiny. The mystery of it is even beautiful to me. The fact that it will be revealed bit by precious bit.

I drove into my driveway straight into a pit of disappointment, broken dreams and same-old-same-old struggle. I was immediately confronted with the hardships I have been reeling from for going on two years. I did not respond in a faith-filled, God-honoring manner. I, in all of my mighty warrior-like praying confidence, TOOK A NAP!

Might warrior indeed. I am happy to report to all of you battle-weary Christians that we don't have to look, act or seem like we are mighty for God to see us that way. The angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon and referred to him as a "mighty warrior," telling him that God was with him. Gideon's faith-filled response was: "...if the Lord is with us, why has all of this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about..." (Judges 6:13, NIV)

The Israelites had been plundered by the Midianites and were living in caves and hiding places in the mountains. God had victory in store, and he used Gideon to bring that about, even though, as Gideon pointed out to the angel, his clan was the least important in the tribe of Manasseh and he himself was the "least" in the family.

Wherever you are in the journey of your life, God will use you if you let him. He will give the task and then the strength to carry it out!!! Trust him! When you fail (as I did today), dust yourself off and JUST KEEP WALKING. Never stop walking.

Getting Free Means Facing Fear

As I walked into the brilliant sunshine of my backyard to check on my beautiful little rabbit who was enjoying the perfect spring temperature, I had an epiphany just now.

I had just decided to put some parameters on some of my leisure time activities so that I will be more productive. I realize that I have, once again, become a slave to some of my fun pursuits which, in moderation, are perfectly innocent. I have made similar resolves before, always to my benefit. It occurred to me as I enjoyed my backyard and the wonderful fresh air that freedom is, well, it can be SCARY.

This realization helped me to understand, in that moment, a lot of human foibles, addictions, shackles. Bondage to anything (depression, fear, hobbies, drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, religion, etc.) is relentless, cruel, painful and heavy. It can also feel VERY, VERY SAFE. Not much is expected because the burden is so heavy. We can't possibly move under the load. We are excused from the adventure of life to the fullest, which could mean that we cannot fail. If we are immobilized, who would expect us to go anywhere, be anything? We cannot lose what we have no ability to gain. Very safe.

I am excited about what I'll be able to do with my free time and energy now that I have decided, once again, to toss my shackles. I'm a little nervous, too! That's okay. Goes with the territory. Might mean fewer regrets!!!! WILL mean fewer regrets, richer memories, closer walk with the Lord.

NEVER ALONE! Always triumphant in Christ!

Sometimes we wake up to an experience that literally tips our little red wagon. Dumps us out onto the pavement of God's amazing plan. Instead of feeling hurt, like a little kid would if that actually happened to them, we are filled with the excitement of His amazing thoughts toward us. He SEES us!! Wow!

This happened to me yesterday. I'll share. A few weeks ago I was headed to an appointment I flat-out dreaded. As I mounted the interstate, I heard Kari Jobe singing "I Am Not Alone." The words leapt out of my radio. I felt God was speaking to me through them, and I smiled. Later I asked Him to have us sing it at my bible study if He was, in fact, speaking to me through the lyrics. The morning of the study I cranked my car, only to have Kari's voice permeate the atmosphere with that sweet, sweet song. Okay, Lord, message received!

But He was not finished. Fast forward a couple of weeks. Yesterday I read a text from a friend who has recently passed the nurse practitioner's licensing exam. She said she had been buoyed by several songs on the way to the exam, including one that reminded her that she was not alone! I excitedly tapped her number into my cell! When she answered, I said "Sherry? Sherry?" ... the woman on the other end said "Wait a minute, I'll get her!" Sherry picked up the line. I launched into my story about Kari Jobe's song! Sherry began to talk about why she posted that song to her Facebook when I realized that I had another Sherry. I told her I had dialed the wrong number but could not believe this was coincidence. She assured me that nothing like this is....it is all part of God's design. She asked me if I was from California. Apparently, I had not even dialed her cell number, but she was with whoever's number I had dialed. Are we alone? Are we who are in Christ EVER alone?

I think not!!

Safe in the Tower of God's Love

I've been listening to a challenging sermon series on spiritual warfare. The pastor knocked me out of my comfort zone when he stressed that we are not to be afraid. We are to be like David, who was a mere boy bearing only a slingshot when he faced the mighty warrior-giant Goliath! It bolstered me when the pastor reminded his listeners that David answered Goliath's challenge in this decisive manner: "'You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.'"( I Samuel 17:45, New International Version)

The name of the Lord Almighty. There is power in that name. When we are facing seemingly INSURMOUNTABLE odds, we can rest assured that this, my dear friends, is when God will show up. He delights in this type of rescue. We get none of the glory or credit but our faith is MIGHTILY strengthened. How do I know that God loves to come into a situation that looks hopeless? His word says this about him: "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." (II Chron. 16:9, NIV) He is actively looking for an opportunity such as that presented by David and Goliath.

It does not matter what the "giant" is in your life. It does not matter that your resources in the fight are pitifully inadequate. God does his best work when we have exhausted all options. He is a restorer, deliverer, lover of our souls. He will act in our behalf to protect, deliver, strengthen and refresh. He will make the broken path smooth. He will, in short, make a way where there is no way. He has a plan to use every single life for his glory. Our callings are fulfilling, exciting and tailor-made for each of us. Satan can try to intervene, but bless God through prayer and by standing on His word we will prevail against our enemy not in our own strength, but in the power of the Almighty God living in us and working through us. We will have fruitful, enjoyable, blessed lives if we will hang onto the faith that comes by hearing God's word! He has spoken victory over each of us.

Back to that all-important phrase David uttered: "I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty".  In saying this, David underscored that he was not attempting this challenge in his own pitiful strength with that basic slingshot. He also underscored the absolute authority and utterly matchless power of the name of the Lord. Proverbs 18:10 says "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

The very next time Satan throws a lie in your face about the hopelessness of your situation and then backs it up with an event that he has orchestrated, run into the tower of safety that is the name of the Lord. Apply that name in prayer to the situation. Take the battle one step further: after you have run into the tower of the name of Jesus, press the button (hey, it's 2015) and raise the drawbridge. Let the devil slip into the moat that is the blood of Jesus, which forms a protective hedge around us. Then live in that tower of safety, praying your way straight through to victory. Along the way, encourage other believers. We are all in the cross-hairs. The good news is that Christ fights our battles for us as we live in him in complete trust and obedience.

Winter. Is. Dismissed.

I begin my Wednesday morning with a cliche that will make you groan: We would not fully appreciate times of prosperity and success if we never had a trial. I know, I know. No one likes cliches. They wear us out! We are tired of them. That is why they have been tossed into the bucket marked "Cliche"!

This is, however, the only thing I have to give this morning, so I'm forced to run with it.

Mounting my front steps this morning I noticed that the air felt nearly spring-like. I know it's due to get frigid a little later but, for now, I am reminded that spring will be upon us soon. And I am happy about that. The funny thing is I remember, just before our two weeks of snow and ice, that I was in no hurry at all for chilly weather to depart. I remember walking in the brisk air thinking about how I will miss a fire in my fireplace and snuggling under a blanket with a hot cup of coffee or tea. Memories of my winter hike in Cherokee still warm me on a down day. BUT AFTER ONLY TWO WEEKS of true, gritty, winter weather, I am all done. Ready to turn the page! Ready to buy new planters and to create new flower beds out back. All done with winter. As I said on my Facebook status recently, winter is dismissed!

But we can give winter a hearty "thank you" for preparing us to appreciate the glories of spring. The headache of layering sweaters, scarves, socks and boots is replaced by the ease of slipping into a t-shirt, capris and flip-flops, all in colors that make our hearts sing. Screen porches come alive with chatter that lingers into the dark of evening, candles burning on little outdoor tables. The delicious aroma of grilling fills the air! There is no down side to spring. It is a fabulous time!

What I love most about spring and summer is the many, many days of glorious sunshine and blue skies. My house in Franklin used to look beautiful against the blue sky of summer. It was something about where it was placed in the cul-de-sac and the pink tones in the brick I think. I love nearly everything about living in Knoxville but I will miss being on the flight path for a hot air balloon company in Franklin. I would wave, and sometimes swap a "good morning" with the pilots. I took lots of pictures. Just magical to me.

I have had so much defeat and difficulty that, quite frankly, I know some really great things are coming. I can't wait to greet them with joy and true thanksgiving. God has assured me, over and over again, that His plans for me are good. I live in that every day! The "winter" of my life over the last two years is just about to give way to glorious spring. I will thank him with a joyful heart!!!!

Shattered Things

It is true that God uses shattered things. How do I know? When a gauzy or twiggy thing is blown apart by the wind, bits of it can be seen woven into bird's nests. Doesn't matter how useless the bit of an item might be for us, an enterprising mama bird will swoop down and collect it, fortifying her little family home with that feather from a down pillow that blew back from the garbage truck, or that sliver of a bill ground by a paper shredder.

I wrote a poem a few years ago about how, though we are shattered and scattered, Jesus puts us back together. The scars remain. Somehow they make us His. They remind us that we cannot put a foot on the floor in the morning without His fortifying presence. If we start to put those feet down on that carpet without his guiding hand, something will happen to shepherd us back into the Christ dependency fold. It's sure to happen.

I have had many a quiet time lined with a firm assurance of God's protection, his guidance. I was absolutely going to conquer giants on that particular day! Fifteen minutes after closing my Bible the gates of Hell open and I am sucked into a battle that has me operating not in the Spirit but fully in the flesh. And that ain't a pretty sight. Then the tears flow and repentance floods me. It's a vicious cycle.

Growth happens when we finally, as completely as a human being can, lay down our pitiful weapons and learn to abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I like quick fixes. I love to fly into an emotional tailspin, pulling every lever I can find to bring drastic action to a frustrating situation. The problem with this is that many deep-seated, super-difficult situations require time for resolution. Some will never be resolved and must simply be accepted. I am not an accepting person! I want action, resolution, success!! And I want them yesterday! Sometimes my motives are entirely pure. Other times they are less so. Doesn't matter. God's will, and his timing are perfect. He will do what He is going to do.

Do you remember the cartoon character known as the "Tasmanian Devil?" I don't remember much about him except that he whirled about maniacally. That's what I look like when I am trying to force a crisis to change someone's behavior or to get others to bring resources to bear in a particular situation. I create a lot of anxiety for those around me, I succeed in stirring the waters, but I don't always bring about lasting remedies. There are definitely times when forcing a crisis turns a tide, but in a lot of cases, patient sifting through of options and implementation of gradual change work best, especially when accompanied by quiet prayer and meditation. The latter arena is where the Lord is taking me to school. I am in the front row right now and my knuckles have been rapped again and again as I jump from my seat, attempt to change the syllabus, interrupt the Lord's work so that I can "help" him with the lessons, etc. He has been unfailingly patient with me in light of my misbehavior. The end result is that I am going to have to be still and let him work, let him fight my battles.

A Future and... A HOPE

The other day, while hiking with my husband on a heavily wooded trail that ran beside a rushing river (complete with waterfalls), I found myself, on more than one occasion, in a little shaded spot laced with a dusting of snow. It was magical to me. The cool silence of the woods punctuated only by the gurgling and rushing of the eddying and flowing water below, the pounding of my heart, the nearness of God all gelled and my soul was stilled and filled all at once.

Getting still doesn't have to mean standing in one place, or sitting and looking into the distance. Being still can look like a lot of wonderful things...a walk through the woods, a long swim at the YMCA for exercise, a jog around an empty track, coffee and a good book.These breaks in the tumult of life make us aware of God's nearness. We can actually hear Him. We can absorb His peace.

I brought a chunk of the Cherokee National Forest home with me in my heart. I broke off a tiny piece of it and stored it in my soul for later. Nature is wonderful that way.

There are times when life is so unbelievably and UNBEARABLY painful that it hurts to put our feet on the floor in the morning. The last year-and-a-half have been, for me,  filled with events that would rip the lining out of any person's heart. If I had been warned about them in advance, I would have assured all that I would not be alive to walk the forest floor in January of 2015. But here I am. Here I am. You have a story too. You have had seasons of difficulty. You have had Red Seas to cross. I'm not unique. What WOULD make me unique is if I had never had seasons of great difficulty. Let me grab a cliche, dust it off and hold it out to you: "Turn your test into a testimony." There. I am officially cheesy! I want to do this, however. I plan to do this. God has kept me alive (and sane) for His reasons. He will use the hurt I have suffered. I am bruised and battered but, like an old schooner out on the rough and barren seas, I am still intact. I see a lighthouse in the distance and I feel safe again. I know God wants me so close to Him that never again do I lose that overwhelming sense of safety and well-being that I am frequently bathed in now, even though my circumstances are still pretty doggone rough.

Throughout the serious trials of our last few months, my husband has reminded me over and over again not to stop living. Now that I am living again, I understand what he meant. That's because life will never be perfect. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and believing that there are better days ahead. In a very short span of days (three or four), God brought Jeremiah 29:11 to my attention in a variety of ways, making me feel so very loved! "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Holy Bible, New International Version.)

Please keep hoping, and keep living while you hope.